The epic Exodus story of Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt across the desert to the Promised Land leads me to ask, "Why did it take so long?" Without transport, with small children, the elderly, and the animals, their progress was certainly impaired. But they still didn't need forty years! More compelling is that God was the leader through Moses! Never having tried it mind you, I estimate they could have made the trip in five or six months, maximum. So why, with God as leader, was it a journey of forty years - circling, camping out, and wandering?
My journey to accept a slow, wonderful, and painful transformation of my heart of stone into a heart of flesh is a microcosm of this Exodus journey. I don't like my stony responses to the pain of my life: blame, anger, hurt, resentment, revenge, and self- pity. But I also don't easily let them go either. I'm disabled somehow, enslaved, - clinging to my need to feel justified and to get even. At the same time I long to experience emotional freedom and the joy of my membership within the human family.
My learning from the journey thus far is first of all, to stay close to God, the leader and to ask for support to live the way of love.Then, like the Israelites I'm learning to accept that I often get lost, make mistakes, go around in circles, and wrestle with choices that eventually lead to my transformation. Finally I HAVE to respect time. I want it all NOW, but this particular transformation, I realize, is the journey of my lifetime. The journey is wonderful and terrible, but the destination is fulfillment beyond imagining!
- Sue Mostell
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