Prayer For The Working Person

Lord Jesus, as I enter this work place, I bring your presence with me. I speak Your peace, Your grace, and Your perfect order into the atmosphere of this office. I acknowledge Your accomplished within these walls. Lord Jesus, I thank you for the gifts you have deposited in me. I do not take them lightly but commit to using them responsibly and well. Give me a fresh supply of truth and beauty on which to draw as I do my job. Anoint my creativity, my ideas, my energy, so that even my smallest task may bring You honour.
Lord, when I am confused, guide me. When I am weary, energize me. Lord, when I am burned out, infuse me with the light of the Holy Spirit.
May the work that I do and the way I do it, bring hope, life, and courage to all that I come in contact with today. And Oh Lord, even in this day's most stressful moments, may I rest in You. In the mighty Name that is above all Names, in the Matchless Name of my Lord and Saviour Jesus, I pray, Amen.

- Author Unknown

What failure?

It is important to acknowledge a mistake instantly, correct it, and learn from it.
That literally turns a failure into a success. Success is on the far side of failure.
- T. J. Watson (1874 - 1956) Founder of IBM -

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though chequered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt -

Reading the Psalm

A leading actor was honoured at a banquet. In the after dinner ceremonies the actor was asked to recite for the pleasure of his guest. He consented, and asked if there was anything special anyone in the audience would like to hear.
There was a moment's pause, and then an old clergyman spoke up. "Could you, sir," he said, "recite the Twenty-Third Psalm?"
A strange look came over the actor's face, but he was speechless only for a moment. "I can sir - and I will, on one condition, and that is that after I have recited, you, my friend will do the same."
"I?" replied the surprised clergyman; "but I am not an elocutionist. However, if you wish, I will do so." Impressively the actor began the Psalm, holding his audience spellbound. As he finished, a great burst of applause broke from the guest.
After the applause had ceased, the old clergyman arose. The audience sat in intense silence. The Psalm was recited, and when it was done, there was not the slightest ripple of applause, but those in the audience whose eyes were yet dry had their heads bowed.
The great actor, with hand on the shoulder of the old clergyman, his voice trembling, exclaimed, "I reached your eyes and ears, my friends. This man reached your hearts. I know the Twenty-Third Psalm, but this man knows the Shepherd."

Paper Machines

A young executive was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen", said the CEO, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly", said the young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help. He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
"Excellent! Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "Two copies will be plenty."

The Emperor Moth

A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On that day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. It just seemed to be stuck. Then the man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The moth then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was the way of forcing fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.

What is Seen

What you are speaks so loud
That the world can’t hear what you say,
They’re not listening to your talk,
They’re looking at your walk,
They’re judging by your actions, every day.
Don’t believe, you’ll deceive by claiming what you’ve never know,
They accept what they see and know you to be
A life by your actions, shown.

Failure

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.

None of these People were Perfect

... and God still met them where they were
Moses stuttered.
David's armour didn't fit.
John Mark was rejected by Paul.
Hosea's wife was a prostitute.
Amos' only training was in the School of fig-tree pruning...
Solomon was too rich.
Abraham was too old.
David was too young.
Timothy had ulcers.
Peter was afraid of death.
Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Naomi was a widow.
Paul was a murderer,
So was Moses.
Jonah ran from God.
Miriam was a gossip.
Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
Elijah was burned out.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Martha was a worry-wart.
Mary was lazy.
Samson had long hair.
Noah got drunk.
Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?
so did Peter, Paul-
So hang in there...God still loves you… in fact He loves you so much He won't leave you the way you are. "Being confident of this very thing, that He which has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" - Philippians 1:6

Sermon Analysis

They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon. He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.
The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well, but," he continued, "I just don't think the sermon ever got off the ground."
The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"

When the Church Bulletin Editor Takes a Holiday

Some classic typos from church Bulletins around the world
* Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
* If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.
* Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
* Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo."
* Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
* If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
* We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.
* Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
* Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer.
* Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
* Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
* The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared.
* As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
* Fifth Sinday is Lent.
* Thank you, dead friends.
* Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
* Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
* Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
* For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
* Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
* Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess need assistance in next month's food drive. Volunteers are needed to spit up food.

My Cup Overflows

I've never made a fortune and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhow.
And as I go along life's way, I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer, 'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches, and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loving ones around me, and that makes me rich enough.
I thank God for his blessings, and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup has overflowed.

O, I remember times when things went wrong, my faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke, and the sun peeped through again.
So Lord, help me not to gripe about the tough rows that I've hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer, 'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage, When the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings: I'm already blessed enough.
And may I never be too busy to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer, 'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Groaners

* What happens to a baby duck before it grows up? It grows down.
* I once read a book about anti-gravity. I just couldn't put it down.
* Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning "tone deaf"
* Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
* What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop? Getting the scoop!
* Is a fjord a Norwegian automobile?
* I looked up synonyms for "diet" in my thesaurus, and found myself at words for a loss.
* Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
* A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.
* Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Specifications

They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they stated that they will only accept three defective parts per 10,000.
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We Japanese had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you."

Holmes and Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!

Feel Like Giving Up?

This poem was written by Mother Teresa and is engraved on the wall of her home for children in Calcutta.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Learning From Childlikeness

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. Kids see flowers for Mum and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money, and I look away. Kids see someone smiling at them, and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm, so I sit self-consciously and listen. Kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words, and if they don't know them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. Kids close their eyes, spread their arms, and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say "thee" and "thou" and "grant me this" and "give me that." Kids say "Hi, God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to heaven yet. I would miss ummy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle, I step around it. I see muddy shoes and clothes and dirty carpets. Kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little children!

Depends On The Hands

A basketball in my hands is worth about $49. A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million. It depends whose hands it's in.
A baseball in my hands is worth about $6. A baseball in Mark McGuire's hands is worth $19 million. It depends whose hands it's in.
A tennis racket is useless in my hands. A tennis racket in Pete Sampras' hands is a Wimbledon Championship. It depends whose hands it's in.
A rod in my hands will keep away a small, wild animal. A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea. It depends whose hands it's in.
A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy. A sling shot in David's hands is a mighty weapon. It depends whose hands it's in.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches. Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands. It depends whose hands they're in.
Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse. Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will produce salvation for the entire world. It depends whose hands they're in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families and your relationships in God's hands because...
It depends whose hands they're in.

Contradictions

God bless our contradictions, those parts of us which seem out of character. Let us be boldly and gladly out of character. Let us be creatures of paradox and variety: creatures of contrast; of light and shade: creatures of faith. God be our constant. Let us step out of character into the unknown, to struggle and love and do what we will. Amen.

- Michael Leunig

The Protestant Dictionary (2)

CHOIR: 1. A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to pantomime singing. 2. If the music is quality, the words cannot be understood. 3. If the words are quality, the music is lousy.
CHORUS: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
UNKNOWN TONGUES: Mother's pantomime instructions to her kids from the choir.
BULLETIN: Congregation Information, read only during the sermon.
AND IN CONCLUSION: A phrase that usually appears midway through a sermon.
MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by a Health Insurance Company 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of the service, consisting of the pastors, the choir, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song on Sunday AM, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

The Protestant Dictionary

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Protestant Churches.
USHERS: The only people in the church who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
AMEN: The only part of any prayer that everyone knows.
BAPTISTRY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

How Do You Like These Apples?

This is a famous but rather complicated riddle.
A group of friends were discussing the subject of how many apples Adam and Eve ate in the Garden of Eden. The first person to speak was very matter-of-fact and said that it could only have been one apple.
The second person asserted that Adam 8 and Eve ate 2, making a total of 10.
The third person said there was something wrong with that, because Eve 8 and Adam 8 also, making 16.
"But," said another person, "if Eve 8 and Adam 82. that would be a total of 90."
Still another person said: "According to history, Eve 81 and Adam 82. That would total 163."
"But," put in someone else, "don't you see that if Eve 81 and Adam 812, that would make a total of 893."
"According to my figuring," said a college professor, "if Eve 814 Adam and Adam 8124 Eve, that would total 8938."

The Will of God

God’s will for my life is not a neat box on the path, but the path itself- a pilgrimage to be discovered by trust and obedience

- Gloria Gaither -

Some Riddles to Test You

At what time of the day was Adam born? A little before Eve
What animal took the most baggage into the ark? The elephant took his trunk
What animal took the least baggage into the ark? The fox and the rooster took only a brush and comb between them.
What was it that Adam and Eve never had, but gave to their children? Parents
Did Eve ever have a date with Adam? No, it was an apple!
What did the Egyptians do when it got dark? They turned on the Israelites!
How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Abel!

An Evening Prayer

O God, our Father, we thank you for this day which is passing from us now.

For any glimpse of beauty we have seen.
For any echo of your truth that we have heard;
For any kindness that we have received;
For any good that we have been enabled to do;
And for any temptation which you gave us grace to overcome:
We thank You, O God.

We ask Your forgiveness for anything which has spoiled and marred this day.
For any word which now we wish that we had never spoken;
For any deed which now we wish that we had never done;
For everything which makes us ashamed when we remember it;
Forgive us, O God.

Eternal God, who gives us the day for work and the night for rest, grant unto us, as we go to rest, a good night's sleep; and wake us refreshed on the morrow, better able to serve You and to serve our fellow-human beings. This we ask, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

from William Barclay: The Plain Man’s Book of Prayers

A Thirst for Knowledge

God be with those who explore in the cause of understanding; whose search takes them far from what is familiar and comfortable and leads them into danger or terrifying loneliness. Let us try to understand their sometimes strange or difficult ways; their confronting or unusual language; the uncommon life of their emotions, for they have been affected and shaped and changed by their struggle at the frontiers of a wild darkness, just as we may be affected, shaped and changed by the insights they bring back to us. Bless them with strength and peace.

from Leunig, The Prayer Tree

To have succeeded

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Most Significant Decision

This may shock you, but I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude is that "single string" that keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.

- Charles R. Swindoll

Some Children's Prayers

daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute -how come you called God 'Harold'"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy Name."

And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

With His Help You Can Do It!

Somebody said that it couldn't be done, but he with a chuckle replied,
"Maybe it couldn't", but he'd be the one who wouldn't say so until he tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin and if he was worried he hid it;
And he started to sing as he tackled the thing that couldn't be done - and he did it.

Somebody scoffed, 'Oh you'll never do that, for no one has yet ever done it.'
But he took off his coat and took off his hat and trusting in God he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin, if any doubt rose he'd forbid it;
And he started to sing as he tackled the thing that couldn't be done - and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done and thousands just waiting to fail you;
There are thousands to point out to you one by one the dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle right in with a bit of a grin and take off your coat and go to it;
God will give you the strength to tackle the thing that cannot be done and you'll do it!

Signs Found Out the Front of Churches

* You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.
* Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
* A miser is a rich pauper.
* Ask about our pray-as-you-go plan.
* We hold sit-in demonstrations every Sunday.
* No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won't get better.
* If some people lived up to their ideals they would be stooping.
* Pray up in advance.
* [At an Arizona church in August] You think it's hot HERE?
* I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.
* Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.
* K-mart is not the only saving place.