CHOIR: 1. A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to pantomime singing. 2. If the music is quality, the words cannot be understood. 3. If the words are quality, the music is lousy.
CHORUS: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
UNKNOWN TONGUES: Mother's pantomime instructions to her kids from the choir.
BULLETIN: Congregation Information, read only during the sermon.
AND IN CONCLUSION: A phrase that usually appears midway through a sermon.
MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by a Health Insurance Company 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of the service, consisting of the pastors, the choir, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song on Sunday AM, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
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