The Picture

An absolute classic from my dear friend Stan Thornburg...
 
Dear Friends,
My youth pastor friend sent me an email asking me to study a picture he attached to see if I could find what was wrong with it. As I looked intently at it a terrifying picture and loud scream flashed on the screen and startled me out of my wits. This is my reply to him.
Hope it brings a smile

Paul,
Sorry I didn't get to study the picture you sent me. Some really strange things happened right in the middle of it. I was studying it when something startled me and I jumped and yelled and spilled my extra-hot 16 oz triple non-fat Latte right in my lap. The pain was unbearable and I ran screaming to the restroom while tearing my scalding pants from my body. Well, I ran down the hallway where the daycare children were lined up for recess and something about my screaming, the fact my pants were down, and the particular part of my body that I was grasping gave the daycare director sufficient cause to dial 911. Once I got into the restroom and eased the pain, I realised that I had made quite a spectacle of myself so I decided to climb out the window and go around the building to my car rather than walk back through the daycare gauntlet in the hallway. I had not realized that the daycare director had blockaded the door from the outside on the advice of the 911 dispatcher. As I climbed out the window, I saw four police with guns drawn shouting “scum-bag” and “molester” so I assumed there was an armed paedophile somewhere in the building. I ran toward the officers for protection and didn't realise that the still-steaming latte on the crotch of my pants might give them the impression that I was the aforesaid molester. They began firing just as the realisation of my compromising appearance began to sink in. I took a right turn to cut through the brush and trees adjacent to the church to see if I could find a place to hide from the bullets and stumbled into a group of Brownie Scouts making their way along the path to sell cookies to nearby homes. I stumbled and landed right on top of them and the den mother began to shout similar words to those the police had used. I could see that to try to explain would be dangerous now that the cops could see two hysterical Brownie Scouts being pulled out from under me. I jumped up and flung my hands in the air to surrender and just happened to hit the den mother (who was about to club me with a branch from behind) sending her to the dirt and, of course making the surrender idea worthless. The police then let their dogs go and, of course, dialogue was out of the question... Well, the rest is not all that interesting. I get moved out of the emergency room as soon as the stitches from the dog mauling are in. I had the bones in my hand reset and the second degree burns to my ...ah... what should I say... groin area... yes, that's it, the groin area treated and bandaged. I have talked to one psychiatrist and an animal rights volunteer and bought 34 dozen girl scout cookies. My guess is that I will be out on bail soon and then have several months to prepare my defence for the following charges: indecent exposure, child-endangerment, flight from prosecution, first degree assault (for the den mother), third degree assault (for the smashed Brownie Scouts), animal cruelty (for biting the Doberman back), and attempting to intimidate and officer in the performance of his/her duty (I flashed my pastor's credential and threatened to have God turn him turn him into Barry Manilow.)
Anyway, I was wondering. What was in that picture that you wanted me to see?? I hope is was well worth this trouble, because if it wasn't I am going to... never mind, my clerk of elders just showed up with the catholic priest from St. Anthony's. I wonder what he's doing here with all the beads, incense and a copy of “The Exorcist”?? Got to go.
Stan