On the Journey Toward Being Vulnerable

I was recently involved in a serious conflict with some members of my community. During the conflict I was blind to how my behaviour was contributing to the difficulty. I was so sure I was right that I excused my own destructive actions as necessary to correct what I believed was a wrong decision. I was fighting so hard to maintain my place in the community that I eventually lost my place because it became so difficult to work with me.
As time passes, I am becoming aware that underneath my anger and self-righteousness was my fear of being vulnerable. If I could have announced to those with whom I was in conflict (or if they had recognised it!) that I was feeling vulnerable about losing my place in the community, I would not have grown angry and the conflict may have become an opportunity for a conversation about change. It is a lesson hard won, with lots of blood on the tracks.
Friends tell me that this breakage will one day be fruitful and is what needed to be, which makes me angry! But this time I recognise that my anger is a camouflage of my fear of accepting just how vulnerable my whole life really is. And when I touch that vulnerability, I know that it is a call to abandon myself more completely into the mystery of life, which of course makes me angry!

- Joe Vorstermans

God Is Personal

Out of their tortured history, the Jews demonstrate the most surprising lesson of all: you cannot go wrong personalising God. God is not a blurry power living somewhere in the sky, not an abstraction like the Greeks proposed, not a sensual super-human like the Romans worshipped, and definitely not the absentee watchmaker of the Deists. God is personal. He enters into people's lives, messes with families, shows up in unexpected places, chooses unlikely leaders, calls people to account. Most of all, God loves.

- Philip Yancey "The Bible Jesus Read"

Bringing the Spirit Through Leaving

It is often in our absence that the Spirit of God manifests itself. When Jesus left his disciples he said: "It is for your own good that I am going, because unless I go, the Paraclete [the Spirit] will not come to you. However, when the Spirit of truth comes he will lead you to the complete truth" (John 16:7, 13). It was only in Jesus' absence that his friends discovered the full meaning of his presence. It was only in his absence that they completely understood his words and experienced full communion with him; and it was only in his absence that they could gather in a community of faith, hope, and love.
When we claim for ourselves that we come to our friends in the Name of Jesus - that through us Jesus becomes present to them - we can trust that our leaving will also bring them the Spirit of Jesus. Thus, not only our presence but also our absence becomes a gift to others.

- Henri Nouwen

God's Place

There are few who in their hearts do believe in God, but what they will not do is give Him exclusive right-of-way... They are not ready to promise full allegiance to God alone. Many a professing Christian is a stumbling block because his worship is divided. On Sunday he worships God; on weekdays God has little or no place in his thoughts.

- Dwight L. Moody in "Weighted and Wanting"

Absence That Creates Presence

It is good to visit people who are sick, dying, shut in, handicapped, or lonely. But it is also important not to feel guilty when our visits have to be short or can only happen occasionally. Often we are so apologetic about our limitations that our apologies prevent us from really being with the other when we are there. A short time fully present to a sick person is much better than a long time with many explanations of why we are too busy to come more often.
If we are able to be fully present to our friends when we are with them, our absence too will bear many fruits. Our friends will say: "He visited me" or "She visited me," and discover in our absence the lasting grace of our presence.

- Henri Nouwen

Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.
Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.

- Henri Nouwen

The Spirit of Jesus Listening in Us

Listening in the spiritual life is much more than a psychological strategy to help others discover themselves. In the spiritual life the listener is not the ego, which would like to speak but is trained to restrain itself, but the Spirit of God within us. When we are baptised in the Spirit - that is, when we have received the Spirit of Jesus as the breath of God breathing within us - that Spirit creates in us a sacred space where the other can be received and listened to. The Spirit of Jesus prays in us and listens in us to all who come to us with their sufferings and pains.
When we dare to fully trust in the power of God's Spirit listening in us, we will see true healing occur.

- Henri Nouwen

Ambassadors For Christ

"So we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making His appeal through us; we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2 Corinthians 5:20 NRSV)

We need to re-present Jesus to a world where Christ is often just a four-letter word, or at best just a good moral teacher or a prophet. Mr. or Ms. Ambassador, how are you re-presenting Christ to the world around you - to your neighbours, your co-workers, your school system, your community? Are you re-presenting Christ as the only Son of God, the Lord of the Universe, the Hope of the World? That would reconcile people to God.

- Rev. David T. Wilkinson

Our Unique Call

So many terrible things happen every day that we start wondering whether the few things we do ourselves make any sense. When people are starving only a few thousand miles away, when wars are raging close to our borders, when countless people in our own cities have no homes to live in, our own activities look futile. Such considerations, however, can paralyse us and depress us.
Here the word call becomes important. We are not called to save the world, solve all problems, and help all people. But we each have our own unique call, in our families, in our work, in our world. We have to keep asking God to help us see clearly what our call is and to give us the strength to live out that call with trust. Then we will discover that our faithfulness to a small task is the most healing response to the illnesses of our time.

- Henri Nouwen

The Band-Aid Of Heaven

Our culture wants to put the Band-Aid of heaven on the hurt of losing someone we love. Sometimes it seems like the people around us think that because we know the one we love is in heaven, we shouldn't be sad. But they don't understand how far away heaven feels, and how long the future seems as we see before us the years we have to spend on this earth before we see the one we love again.

- Nancy Guthrie in "Holding on to Hope"

Freedom from Judging, Freedom for Mercy

We spend an enormous amount of energy making up our minds about other people. Not a day goes by without somebody doing or saying something that evokes in us the need to form an opinion about him or her. We hear a lot, see a lot, and know a lot. The feeling that we have to sort it all out in our minds and make judgments about it can be quite oppressive.
The desert fathers said that judging others is a heavy burden, while being judged by others is a light one. Once we can let go of our need to judge others, we will experience an immense inner freedom. Once we are free from judging, we will be also free for mercy. Let's remember Jesus' words: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged" (Matthew 7:1).

- Henri Nouwen

A Reciprocal Relationship

Whether we are aware of it or not, at every moment of our existence we are encountering God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - who is trying to catch our attention, trying to draw us into a reciprocal conscious relationship.

- William Barry in "Finding God in All Things"

On the Journey Toward Being Vulnerable

"I can't." That statement was the first step on my journey to being vulnerable. The next statement took three days to emerge from my trembling lips: "I...need...help." I was living as an assistant in a L'Arche home, and things were not going well.
My upbringing had taught me that I was alone. That I would have to solve my own problems. That my needs were excessive and would not, could not be met. This left me feeling very alone. To my heart's relief, when I asked for help in my L'Arche home, I was helped. As I began to express my needs, they were responded to.
As I journeyed toward being vulnerable, I noticed that my journeying invited others to do the same. When I took the risk to confess a fear, dislike, or displeasure, my companion did likewise. My heart opened. Softened. The increasing mutual vulnerability led to my feeling and being more connected to my friends.
I realised that a fear of judgment had kept me silent. Now I check things out. Sure it is hard to hear "Yes, I am angry with you." Often, though, the other person responds with reassurance. At some point on the journey, I realised that I was known. Known and accepted. Known and loved. That who I was, was good.
It is a fearsome process to speak the truth from the heart. Yet the fact is, I am vulnerable. I have made the decision that I'd rather live being vulnerable than be alone.

- Rita O'Connor

Towards a Nonjudgmental Life

One of the hardest spiritual tasks is to live without prejudices. Sometimes we aren't even aware how deeply rooted our prejudices are. We may think that we relate to people who are different from us in colour, religion, sexual orientation, or lifestyle as equals, but in concrete circumstances our spontaneous thoughts, uncensored words, and knee-jerk reactions often reveal that our prejudices are still there.
Strangers, people different than we are, stir up fear, discomfort, suspicion, and hostility. They make us lose our sense of security just by being "other." Only when we fully claim that God loves us in an unconditional way and look at "those other persons" as equally loved can we begin to discover that the great variety in being human is an expression of the immense richness of God's heart. Then the need to prejudge people can gradually disappear.

- Henri Nouwen

The Wager Of Faith

Seventeenth-century mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal... struggled with issues of meaninglessness. Pascal concluded that faith sometimes resembles a wager. He told his friends, "If I believe in God and life after death and you do not, and if there is no God, we both lose when we die. However, if there is a God, you still lose and I gain everything."

- Philip Yancey in "The Bible Jesus Read"

The Great Gift of Parenthood

Children are their parents' guests. They come into the space that has been created for them, stay for a while - fifteen, twenty, or twenty-five years - and leave again to create their own space. Although parents speak about "our son" and "our daughter," their children are not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.
The greatest gift parents can give their children is their love for each other. Through that love they create an anxiety-free place for their children to grow, encouraging them to develop confidence in themselves and find the freedom to choose their own ways in life.

- Henri Nouwen

Finding Forgiveness

When we see ourselves so foul, then we expect God to be angry with us on account of our sin. And so we are stirred by the Holy Spirit to contrition and prayer and want with all our might to amend ourselves in order to soothe God's anger, until we find rest in our souls and our consciences are easy....
Our courteous Lord shows Himself to the soul simply and full of glad cheer, as if the soul had been in pain and in prison, saying, "My dear darling, I am glad you have come to Me in all your sorrow. I have always been with you. Now you see Me loving you, and we are united in bliss."

- Julian of Norwich

True Hospitality

Every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is friendship, marriage, or community, creates space where strangers can enter and become friends. Good relationships are hospitable. When we enter into a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realise that the love among those who live in that home is what makes that welcome possible.
When there is conflict in the home, the guest is soon forced to choose sides. "Are you for him or for her?" "Do you agree with them or with us?" "Do you like him more than you do me?" These questions prevent true hospitality - that is, an opportunity for the stranger to feel safe and discover his or her own gifts. Hospitality is more than an expression of love for the guest. It is also and foremost an expression of love between the hosts.

- Henri Nouwen

Creating a Home Together

Many human relationships are like the interlocking fingers of two hands. Our loneliness makes us cling to each other, and this mutual clinging makes us suffer immensely because it does not take our loneliness away. But the harder we try, the more desperate we become. Many of these "interlocking" relationships fall apart because they become suffocating and oppressive. Human relationships are meant to be like two hands folded together. They can move away from each other while still touching with the fingertips. They can create space between themselves, a little tent, a home, a safe place to be.
True relationships among people point to God. They are like prayers in the world. Sometimes the hands that pray are fully touching, sometimes there is distance between them. They always move to and from each other, but they never lose touch. They keep praying to the One who brought them together.

- Henri Nouwen

The Importance of Inner Renewal

I feel a tension within me. I have only a limited number of years left for active ministry. Why not use them well? Yet one word spoken with a pure heart is worth thousands spoken in a state of spiritual turmoil. Time given to inner renewal is never wasted. God is not in a hurry.

- Henri Nouwen

Reflecting God's Perfect Love

God's love for us is everlasting. That means that God's love for us existed before we were born and will exist after we have died. It is an eternal love in which we are embraced. Living a spiritual life calls us to claim that eternal love for ourselves so that we can live our temporal loves - for parents, brothers, sisters, teachers, friends, spouses, and all people who become part of our lives - as reflections or refractions of God's eternal love. No fathers or mothers can love their children perfectly. No husbands or wives can love each other with unlimited love. There is no human love that is not broken somewhere.
When our broken love is the only love we can have, we are easily thrown into despair, but when we can live our broken love as a partial reflection of God's perfect, unconditional love, we can forgive one another our limitations and enjoy together the love we have to offer.

- Henri Nouwen

Praising God

"Praise should be proportionate to its object," counsels Charles Spurgeon; "therefore let it be infinite when rendered unto the Lord. We cannot praise Him too much, too often, too zealously, too carefully, too joyfully." The Psalms do teach us to praise God much, often, zealously, and joyfully. When our praise seems so inadequate, how encouraging to turn to the Psalms and find the freedom and joy of these hymns to God. It is exciting to begin to exalt God by awakening the dawn with the harp, lyre, and songs of praises to His Holy Name!

- Cynthia Heald in "Intimacy with God"

God's faithfulness and Ours

When God makes a covenant with us, God says: "I will love you with an everlasting love. I will be faithful to you, even when you run away from me, reject me, or betray me." In our society we don't speak much about covenants; we speak about contracts. When we make a contract with a person, we say: "I will fulfill my part as long as you fulfill yours. When you don't live up to your promises, I no longer have to live up to mine." Contracts are often broken because the partners are unwilling or unable to be faithful to their terms.
But God didn't make a contract with us; God made a covenant with us, and God wants our relationships with one another to reflect that covenant. That's why marriage, friendship, life in community are all ways to give visibility to God's faithfulness in our lives together.

- Henri Nouwen

Facing The Past

It is so much easier to walk away from a hurtful past than to confront the issues. And our hectic, transient culture makes it easy for us to start over far away from the people and places we have left behind. But we discover that we cannot remove the past from our hearts - it is there to stay. And the only hope for true peace with the past is to face it at its worst and, with God's help, to seek to forgive, to be forgiven, to make amends, and to be reconciled.

- Stephen Arterburn in "The Power Book"

God Covenant

God made a covenant with us. The word covenant means "coming together." God wants to come together with us. In many of the stories in the Hebrew Bible, we see that God appears as a God who defends us against our enemies, protects us against dangers, and guides us to freedom. God is God-for-us. When Jesus comes a new dimension of the covenant is revealed. In Jesus, God is born, grows to maturity, lives, suffers, and dies as we do. God is God-with-us. Finally, when Jesus leaves he promises the Holy Spirit. In the Holy Spirit, God reveals the full depth of the covenant. God wants to be as close to us as our breath. God wants to breathe in us, so that all we say, think and do is completely inspired by God. God is God-within-us. Thus God's covenant reveals to us to how much God loves us.

- Henri Nouwen

On the Journey Toward Being Vulnerable

Everyone remembers the character Ebenezer Scrooge, from Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol. And what we remember most about him is his being a miser. But Scrooge was much more than a tightwad. He withheld his emotions at least as much as he did his financial riches. We might say he was in an emotional coma, and until a powerful experience reached him, he was miserable inside and out.
Many of us are just a small step ahead of Ebenezer. We give as much as we can of our physical and monetary resources but insufficiently of our emotional selves. Yet the more one's feelings of doubt and insecurity and fear are held in, the more distant one remains from the significant other and from oneself. To be miserly about what's really inside is to maintain a distance that doesn't have to be. It may be difficult to say, "I feel an internal vacuum and I want to fill it because the feeling is very uncomfortable." But making that statement is the beginning of being more fully alive. And if that statement is made to the right person or persons, empathy and closeness may develop.
"When the heart is full," said the Jewish humorist and writer Sholem Aleichem, "the eyes overflow." I know this to be true for both great joy and great sorrow. Why wait until the heart is so full? Be vulnerable. Share yourself with someone you trust, and the ice and snow of countless years will melt away toward a new spring.

- Albert M. Lewis

Yoked To Christ

Jesus told His disciples to "come to Me,... Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,... For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

The physical yoke is not a part of the daily life of most of us, but we can call up the mental rural image of two beasts of burden, yoked together, pulling their common load. The yoke is a wooden structure that is designed to compel the two animals to work as a team. When they cooperate with each other, the task is easier for both; but if one holds back or tries to turn in a different direction, the yoke places undue pressure on its neck. Obviously, the burden is easier and lighter when they work together.
So it is also with our faith. To accept Jesus as Lord and Savior is like being yoked to Him. In that union of faith, we listen to our Lord. We learn by being exposed to what the teacher is teaching. We show that we have learned from the Master Teacher when we take His instructions for life and put them into practice. This all begins when we profess our willingness to walk with and be yoked to Jesus.

- Rev. Kenneth A. Mortonson in "What Do You See?

Letting Go of Our Fear of God

We are afraid of emptiness. Spinoza speaks about our "horror vacui," our horrendous fear of vacancy. We like to occupy-fill up-every empty time and space. We want to be occupied. And if we are not occupied we easily become preoccupied; that is, we fill the empty spaces before we have even reached them. We fill them with our worries, saying, "But what if ..."
It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and unexpected happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God's actions in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let's pray that we can let go of our fear of God and embrace God as the source of all love.

- Henri Nouwen

Creating Space for God

Discipline is the other side of discipleship. Discipleship without discipline is like waiting to run in the marathon without ever practicing. Discipline without discipleship is like always practicing for the marathon but never participating. It is important, however, to realise that discipline in the spiritual life is not the same as discipline in sports. Discipline in sports is the concentrated effort to master the body so that it can obey the mind better. Discipline in the spiritual life is the concentrated effort to create the space and time where God can become our master and where we can respond freely to God's guidance.
Thus, discipline is the creation of boundaries that keep time and space open for God. Solitude requires discipline, worship requires discipline, caring for others requires discipline. They all ask us to set apart a time and a place where God's gracious presence can be acknowledged and responded to.

- Henri Nouwen

Facing Our Mortality

We all have dreams about the perfect life: a life without pain, sadness, conflict, or war. The spiritual challenge is to experience glimpses of this perfect life right in the middle of our many struggles. By embracing the reality of our mortal life, we can get in touch with the eternal life that has been sown there. The apostle Paul expresses this powerfully when he writes: "We are subjected to every kind of hardship, but never distressed; we see no way out but we never despair; we are pursued but never cut off; knocked down, but still have some life in us; always we carry with us in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus, too, may be visible in our ... mortal flesh" (2 Corinthians 4:8-12).
Only by facing our mortality can we come in touch with the life that transcends death. Our imperfections open for us the vision of the perfect life that God in and through Jesus has promised us.

- Henri Nouwen

God's Guidance

"For it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and to work for His good pleasure." - Philippians 2:13 NRSV

The guidance of the Spirit is generally by gentle suggestions or drawings, and not in violent pushes; and it requires great childlikeness of heart to be faithful to it. The secret of being made willing lies in a definite giving up of our will. As soon as we put our will on to God's side, He immediately takes possession of it and begins to work in us to will and to do of His good pleasure.

- Hannah Whitall Smith in "Christian's Secret of the Holy Life"