On The Journey Toward Claiming Leadership

My father, the quiet keeper of tradition in our family, died with his deep, barely articulated feelings still contained within him. After his death, I was moved to understand the sustaining relationship he had with his faith. Maybe I was trying to nourish the spiritual hunger that I had barely articulated.
The void created by his absence prompted me to create a new Passover Haggadah (literally "The Telling", the text which accompanies the Passover Seder). Though this ritual of telling of our liberation has survived from generation to generation, for many it was becoming stale, rote, obscuring one of its central messages: "In every generation every individual should feel as though he/she had been personally redeemed from Egypt". I wanted to infuse the traditional wisdom with a new vitality, "tell" it to my family in a way that would bring it to life.
Yet sharing my Haggadah with my extended family, breaking tradition and using my own voice felt too risky. Suddenly I was back in Egypt, standing on the shores of the Red Sea. Afraid to step in, unwilling to turn back. To get to the other side, I'd have to feel the fear, let my voice crack, my heart pound, my knees shake, and not give in to the knot in my stomach. I'd have to venture into that sea of self-consciousness and ride the waves. Sometimes the waters won't part till you plunge in!
That sea-opening was just a beginning. But it inspired me to lead a sacred circle of women where together we carry our tradition forward as we struggle to free our own voices. I know now that with every risk I take, every circle I lead, I too am being carried forward on this journey of "becoming", sustained both by my companions and by the force of freedom and transformation that lies at the heart of all creation.

- Shelle Goldstein