The Need To Turn Aside

God holds out the possibility of transformation. One day when the human race had not heard a word of hope for a long time, a man named Moses walked past a shrub. He had seen it before, perhaps a hundred times. Only this time it was different. This time the "turn" comes;... this time the bush is on fire with the presence of God.
And Moses said, "I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up." Everything turned on Moses' being willing to "turn aside" - to interrupt his daily routine to pay attention to the presence of God. He didn't have to. He could have looked the other way, as many of us would. He would have just missed the Exodus, the people of Israel, his calling, the reason for his existence. He would have missed knowing God.
But he didn't miss it. He stopped. He "turned aside."

- John Ortberg in "The Life You've Always Wanted"

Bringing Our Secrets into the Light

We all have our secrets: thoughts, memories, feelings that we keep to ourselves. Often we think, "If people knew what I feel or think, they would not love me." These carefully kept secrets can do us much harm. They can make us feel guilty or ashamed and may lead us to self-rejection, depression, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.
One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust. When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before. Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing. As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully.

- Henri Nouwen

The Requirement Of Love

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2 NKJV)

Not by conforming to this world can humanity be saved. Lying down in the gutter with the derelict is no way to reform him. Acquiescence is not an effective way of remedying evils. Sharing the gains of exploitation and enjoying the privileges arising out of injustice will never lead to the transformation of society. Untiring opposition to false standards and ceaseless activity against wrongdoing are demanded by love. Mankind can never be lifted to the highest levels if its teachers dwell in the lowlands. To be in the world, and yet not of it, is the difficult requirement of love.

- Kirby Page (1890-1957)

What Is Most Personal Is Most Universal

We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, "Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else's business." But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal. What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people. That is why our inner lives are lives for others. That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life.
Jesus says, "No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house" (Matthew 5:14-15). The most inner light is a light for the world. Let's not have "double lives"; let us allow what we live in private to be known in public.

- Henri Nouwen

God's Unfailing Compassion

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV)

The compassion of our Lord never fails. As we live in this world we very soon discover some failed compassion. We find people who really don't stick by our side for the long haul. We realise the frailty of human beings and we may even discover that in the final analysis most people take care of themselves first and foremost. I am not a pessimist generally but experience shows us that often the compassion we receive from people, places and things offer no comparison to the compassion from God that never fails. No excuses, no external "uncontrollable" events and no made up stories to justify failed compassion. You see, God IS the story and He IS life and His promises have stood the test of time and trial from the Garden of Eden to the present. God never lies and He never fails to keep even one of His promises.

- Rev. Gary Stone

The Balance Between Closeness and Distance

Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely move.
To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at a given moment. One might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold.

- Henri Nouwen

On The Journey Towards Humility

In a session of marriage therapy, I was confronted with the question "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" I had asked questions like this before, but it had a very different feeling when it was directed at me! When I asked the question of others whom I was trying to help, it sounded so profound and made me feel so wise. When it was asked of me, I felt embarrassed, challenged and humbled...in that order.
I felt embarrassed for not "getting it" sooner. I was so self-righteous that I didn't recognise my arrogance. I'd placed so much value on being right and being able to articulate the problem as I saw it that I forgot that marriage is about loving the other, not correcting the other. Then I saw it as a challenge to grow. The counselor said to me, "Hold yourself in warm regard." I recognised that my self-righteousness was only part of me, a part I could become free of, if I so desired.
Those words, "Hold yourself in warm regard," helped me to recognise that I was on a journey towards wholeness, towards being a more loving husband, and that my desire to grow was more important than where I was on the journey. This realisation allowed me to move from embarrassment to humility. My embarrassment made me want to run and hide. My humility made me more tender and encouraged my desire to be more accepting of my partner's failings as well as my own and to cherish the journey we are on together.

- Joe Vorstermans

Accepting What Christ Did

Believing is not merely giving mental assent to what Christ did and then living any way we want. Saving faith has four important steps. First, we must decide to leave behind our past life. Second, we must admit that we cannot help ourselves. Third, we must accept what Christ has done on our behalf. Fourth, we must entrust ourselves to Him in this way; we accept His way of life as our way of life. So when He becomes our Saviour, He also becomes our Lord.
Why is faith so important for salvation? Faith is the opposite of the basic sin that separates man from God. Man's fall took place when he chose to decide for himself what is good and what is evil. He chose to build his own system of values. So man's basic sin is independence from God. Faith is the opposite of independence from God. When one exercises faith, he rejects his own ways of saving himself and controlling his life and submits to the way God provided for him in Christ Jesus.
Here then is the gospel in a nutshell: God has, in Christ, done all that is necessary for our salvation and we must accept that by faith.

- Ajith Fernando in "The Christian's Attitude Toward World Religions"

True Intimacy

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.
It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.

- Henri Nouwen

Creating Beautiful Memories

What happens during meals shapes a large part of our memories. As we grow older we forget many things, but we mostly remember the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners in our families. We remember them with joy and gratitude or with sadness and anger. They remind us of the peace that existed in our homes or the conflicts that never seemed to get resolved. These special moments around the table stand out as vivid reminders of the quality of our lives together.
Today fast-food services and TV dinners have made common meals less and less central. But what will there be to remember when we no longer come together around the table to share a meal? Maybe we will have fewer painful memories, but will we have any joyful ones? Can we make the table a hospitable place, inviting us to kindness, gentleness, joy, and peace and creating beautiful memories?

- Henri Nouwen

The Nonpossessive Life

To be able to enjoy fully the many good things the world has to offer, we must be detached from them. To be detached does not mean to be indifferent or uninterested. It means to be nonpossessive. Life is a gift to be grateful for and not a property to cling to.
A nonpossessive life is a free life. But such freedom is only possible when we have a deep sense of belonging. To whom then do we belong? We belong to God, and the God to whom we belong has sent us into the world to proclaim in his Name that all of creation is created in and by love and calls us to gratitude and joy. That is what the "detached" life is all about. It is a life in which we are free to offer praise and thanksgiving.

- Henri Nouwen

The Basis of Our Security

What is the basis of our security? When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.
A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13).

- Henri Nouwen

The (Wild And Wonderful) Woman At The Well

"Then the woman left her water jar and went back to the city. She said to the people, 'Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah, can He?' They left the city and were on their way to Him." (John 4:28-30)

How do you start a church? At the turn of the twentieth century, as the late William Hyde recalled, it was simple. As a young Methodist preacher, Hyde was taken by train to a small town in Nebraska. He was told that there was one Methodist in the community, but that he had probably become a Presbyterian, that there was a second-floor hall that could no doubt be rented for a gathering place. And then, as the train pulled from the station, the district superintendent called out a simple formula for beginning a church: "Dig or die, Brother Hyde!"
In our day, church planting has become a science. Some progressive seminaries offer special programs, even doctoral studies, in church planting. Statisticians can project how many thousand telephone calls will produce how many hundred in attendance at an opening service, and what mass mailings will appeal to what segments of a population, as well as the type of music, the style of worship, and the level of preaching that will be most effective in a given community.
I confess that I fall somewhere between these two very different methods. The unreconstructed grump in me favors the first, while the researcher in me opts for the second. But on one thing, I am sure. If I were starting a church, I know the person I would want for my first member. I don't know her name, but I know everything else about her, and I can tell you this: Give me this wild and wonderful woman, and with God's help I will soon have a thriving body of believers.

- J. Ellsworth Kalas, "New Testament Stories from the Back Side"

The Barometer of Our Lives

Although the table is a place for intimacy, we all know how easily it can become a place of distance, hostility, and even hatred. Precisely because the table is meant to be an intimate place, it easily becomes the place we experience the absence of intimacy. The table reveals the tensions among us. When husband and wife don't talk to each other, when a child refuses to eat, when brothers and sisters bicker, when there are tense silences, then the table becomes hell, the place we least want to be.
The table is the barometer of family and community life. Let's do everything possible to make the table the place to celebrate intimacy.

- Henri Nouwen

Renewal Happens

Renewal happens as the church moves from a vague theism to a clear faith in Jesus Christ. The focus of the church is not the church, but Jesus Christ! God is made known to us in Christ. Faith comes alive in Christ...
Renewal is much more than adding a little more Jesus to the mix. A little more Jesus won't work. Jesus has to be the absolute focus. It must be an all-or-nothing proposition. A clear focus on Jesus Christ as the object of faith and the cause of truth is the key to renewal.

- Michael Slaughter in "Beyond Playing Church"

The Intimacy of the Table

The table is one of the most intimate places in our lives. It is there that we give ourselves to one another. When we say, "Take some more, let me serve you another plate, let me pour you another glass, don't be shy, enjoy it," we say a lot more than our words express. We invite our friends to become part of our lives. We want them to be nurtured by the same food and drink that nurture us. We desire communion. That is why a refusal to eat and drink what a host offers is so offensive. It feels like a rejection of an invitation to intimacy.
Strange as it may sound, the table is the place where we want to become food for one another. Every breakfast, lunch, or dinner can become a time of growing communion with one another.

- Henri Nouwen

The Meal That Makes Us Family and Friends

We all need to eat and drink to stay alive. But having a meal is more than eating and drinking. It is celebrating the gifts of life we share. A meal together is one of the most intimate and sacred human events. Around the table we become vulnerable, filling one another's plates and cups and encouraging one another to eat and drink. Much more happens at a meal than satisfying hunger and quenching thirst. Around the table we become family, friends, community, yes, a body.
That is why it is so important to "set" the table. Flowers, candles, colorful napkins all help us to say to one another, "This is a very special time for us, let's enjoy it!"

- Henri Nouwen

On The Journey Towards Humility

When I was a teenager, I came across a Turkish proverb to the effect that living well is like walking across snow, leaving no footprints. Already inclined toward self-deprecation, I took it on as a sort of ideal. And as the world has grown more fast-paced and aggressive, as success has increasingly come to be defined in terms of brash self-promotion and ruthless acquisition, as our culture has destroyed more and more of nature rather than trying to live in a sustainable way, I continue to believe this proverb holds much wisdom.
But walking lightly on the earth and disappearing oneself out of a mistaken notion of humility are very different things. I think of this Hasidic saying: Everyone must have two pockets, so that he or she can reach into the one or the other, according to need. In the right pocket are to be the words: "For my sake was the world created," and in the left: "I am dust and ashes."
Sometimes we are meant to do our best to walk leaving no footprints, and sometimes we are meant to be vividly present. Sometimes our false modesty needs a boost of affirmation, and sometimes our unwitting arrogance needs a chastening reminder of mortality. Of course, the world will give us feedback, some deserved and some not. But we are granted the responsibility and the volition to choose from our pockets the message needed for a particular moment. Our confidence to make that discernment is rooted in trust in the good, unique, God-given essence of who we are.
(The Hasidic saying is from Martin Buber, Ten Rungs: Hasidic Sayings, altered for inclusive language.)

- Susan M. S. Brown

Seeing the Beauty and Goodness in Front of Us

We don't have to go far to find the treasure we are seeking. There is beauty and goodness right where we are. And only when we can see the beauty and goodness that are close by can we recognise beauty and goodness on our travels far and wide. There are trees and flowers to enjoy, paintings and sculptures to admire; most of all there are people who smile, play, and show kindness and gentleness. They are all around us, to be recognised as free gifts to receive in gratitude.
Our temptation is to collect all the beauty and goodness surrounding us as helpful information we can use for our projects. But then we cannot enjoy it, and we soon find that we need a vacation to restore ourselves. Let's try to see the beauty and goodness in front of us before we go elsewhere to look for it.

- Henri Nouwen

The Language Of Love

For some people TOUCH is the primary language of love. Their spouse can say "I love you" twenty times a day and prove it through countless acts of kindness, but without an embrace or a kiss or a squeeze they won't feel loved.
Other people need to hear VERBAL EXPRESSIONS of love. They need to hear in concrete terms why their spouse loves them. "I'm glad I married you because..." assures them that their spouse recognizes and appreciates their individuality.
SERVICE is another thing that makes some people feel most loved. These people respond best to affection that is revealed in practical terms: cooking a meal, mowing the lawn, repairing a faucet, running and errand, helping with a distasteful chore. They see acts of service as indicative of what is in their spouse's heart.
GIFTS make still other people feel loved - not because of the cost involved, but because of the personal attention and thought that goes into them. These people enjoy - even need - tangible reminders of their spouse's love.
Finally, SPENDING TIME TOGETHER makes other people feel loved. They don't care particularly what they and their spouses do, as long as they are together. Having their husband or wife commit uninterrupted blocks of time to them assures them they are top priority.
The key is to learn what says "I love you" to your spouse and speak it loudly, clearly, and often.

- Bill Hybels in "Marriage: Building Real Intimacy" study guide

Celebrating Being Alive

Birthdays are so important. On our birthdays we celebrate being alive. On our birthdays people can say to us, "Thank you for being!" Birthday presents are signs of our families' and friends' joy that we are part of their lives. Little children often look forward to their birthdays for months. Their birthdays are their big days, when they are the center of attention and all their friends come to celebrate.
We should never forget our birthdays or the birthdays of those who are close to us. Birthdays keep us childlike. They remind us that what is important is not what we do or accomplish, not what we have or who we know, but that we are, here and now. On birthdays let us be grateful for the gift of life.

- Henri Nouwen

Words That Feed Us

When we talk to one another, we often talk about what happened, what we are doing, or what we plan to do. Often we say, "What's up?" and we encourage one another to share the details of our daily lives. But often we want to hear something else. We want to hear, "I've been thinking of you today," or "I missed you," or "I wish you were here," or "I really love you." It is not always easy to say these words, but such words can deepen our bonds with one another.
Telling someone "I love you" in whatever way is always delivering good news. Nobody will respond by saying, "Well, I knew that already, you don't have to say it again"! Words of love and affirmation are like bread. We need them each day, over and over. They keep us alive inside.

- Henri Nouwen

Words That Create

Words, words, words. Our society is full of words: on billboards, on television screens, in newspapers and books. Words whispered, shouted, and sung. Words that move, dance, and change in size and color. Words that say, "Taste me, smell me, eat me, drink me, sleep with me," but most of all, "buy me." With so many words around us, we quickly say: "Well, they're just words." Thus, words have lost much of their power.
Still, the word has the power to create. When God speaks, God creates. When God says, "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3), light is. God speaks light. For God, speaking and creating are the same. It is this creative power of the word we need to reclaim. What we say is very important. When we say, "I love you," and say it from the heart, we can give another person new life, new hope, new courage. When we say, "I hate you," we can destroy another person. Let's watch our words.

- Henri Nouwen

Apathy Of The People

I am aware that many object to the severity of my language; but is there not cause for severity? I will be as harsh as Truth, and as uncompromising as Justice. On this subject I do not wish to think, or speak, or write, with moderation. No! No! Tell a man whose house is on fire to give a moderate alarm; tell him to moderately rescue his wife from the hands of the ravisher; tell the mother to gradually extricate her babe from the fire into which it has fallen - but urge me not to use moderation in a cause like the present. I am in earnest - I will not equivocate - I will not excuse - I will not retreat one single inch - and I will be heard. The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its pedestal and hasten the resurrection of the dead.

- William Lloyd Garrison

Dying Well

We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of. But will we die well? That is less certain. Dying well means dying for others, making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question, therefore, is not "What can I still do in the years I have left to live?" but "How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?"
Jesus died well because through dying he sent his Spirit of Love to his friends, who with that Holy Spirit could live better lives. Can we also send the Spirit of Love to our friends when we leave them? Or are we too worried about what we can still do? Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.

- Henri Nouwen

Emmanuel Of The Spirit

In our day heaven and earth are on tiptoe waiting for the emerging of a Spirit-led, Spirit-intoxicated, Spirit-empowered people. All of creation watches expectantly for the springing up of a disciplined, freely gathered, martyr people who know in this life the life and power of the kingdom of God. It has happened before. It can happen again....
Such a people will not emerge until there is among us a deeper, more profound experience of an Emmanuel of the Spirit - God with us, a knowledge that in the power of the Spirit Jesus has come to guide His people Himself, an experience of His leading that is as definite and as immediate as the cloud by day and fire by night.

- Richard Foster in "Celebration of Discipline"

God Has No Grandchildren

"But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."
(John 1:12-13, NKJV)

My children cannot inherit my faith. I can't save them. Each of us is on a journey. My role as a parent is not to convert my children, but to live a life consistent with my experience of God's radical love and trust that such a life will attract them. I do this knowing most teenagers rebel and experiment. They test the boundaries. I do this realising the paths my children choose may not be mine. My response to their choices is not to panic or control, but to love them unconditionally, as God loves me.

- Philip Gulley and James Mulholland in "If God Is Love"

Giving and Receiving Consolation

Consolation is a beautiful word. It means "to be" (con-) "with the lonely one" (solus). To offer consolation is one of the most important ways to care. Life is so full of pain, sadness, and loneliness that we often wonder what we can do to alleviate the immense suffering we see. We can and must offer consolation. We can and must console the mother who lost her child, the young person with AIDS, the family whose house burned down, the soldier who was wounded, the teenager who contemplates suicide, the old man who wonders why he should stay alive.
To console does not mean to take away the pain but rather to be there and say, "You are not alone, I am with you. Together we can carry the burden. Don't be afraid. I am here." That is consolation. We all need to give it as well as to receive it.

- Henri Nouwen

On The Journey Towards Humility

Uriah Heep, in David Copperfield, keeps repeating that he's a "'Umble man". He turns out to be anything but humble. He uses that mask to selfish ends.
Humble comes from the Latin word for dirt or earth's soil. Being humble has something to do with being as simple and honest and dignified as the soil. It is what it is and nothing more or less. By contrast, inferiority is an excuse, or a self-diminishment resulting from compare-sinning. If we are frightened of entering into the adventure of the new or the unfamiliar, we can excuse ourselves by "'umbly" assuming the mask of not being adequate.
The sin of comparing ourselves with others will keep us always under the umbrella of sad safety. In this lifestyle we judge the gifts of others as better than anything we might have. We also live in fear of others judging us in the same negative manner. The sin of this comparing is that we end up denying that we have anything good at all. We also prevent ourselves being gifts in the lives of anybody else.
We are of the earth, but not defined totally by the earth. Humility is the peaceful state of honest acceptance of how my earthliness can give growth to others. Pride has to do with creating ourselves. We walk the road to humility with our feet on the earth and our identities given us by the Creator, Who sees everything as good and humans as very good.

- Larry Gillick

Care, the Source of All Cure

Care is something other than cure. Cure means "change." A doctor, a lawyer, a minister, a social worker - they all want to use their professional skills to bring about changes in people's lives. They get paid for whatever kind of cure they can bring about. But cure, desirable as it may be, can easily become violent, manipulative, and even destructive if it does not grow out of care. Care is being with, crying out with, suffering with, feeling with. Care is compassion. It is claiming the truth that the other person is my brother or sister, human, mortal, vulnerable, like I am.
When care is our first concern, cure can be received as a gift. Often we are not able to cure, but we are always able to care. To care is to be human.

- Henri Nouwen

Dressed in Gentleness

Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.
Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us.

- Henri Nouwen