Happiness

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favourite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life". This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness IS the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time....and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire from work, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Study the Horse

Ancient wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However in organisations we often try many other strategies, including the following:
1. Changing riders
2. Buying a stronger whip
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse
4. Arranging a visit to other sites to see how they ride dead horses
5. Increasing the standards for riding dead horses
6. Creating training sessions to improve riding skills
7. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment
8. Changing the requirements so that the horse no longer meets the standards of death
9. Hiring an outside consultant to show how dead horses can be ridden
10. Increasing funding to improve the horses performance
11. Declaring that no horse is too dead to beat.

Wonder

When the wonder has gone out of a man he is dead. When all comes to all, the most precious element in life is wonder. Love is a great emotion and power is power. But both love and power are based on wonder. Plant consciousness, all are related by one permanent element, which we may call the religious element in all life, even in a flea: the sense of wonder. That is our sixth sense. And it is the natural religious sense.

- D. H. Lawrence -

Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me

1. It's more fun to colour outside the lines.
2. If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.
3. Keep asking why until you REALLY understand.
4. Hang on tight.
5. Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.
6. Make up the rules as you go along.
7. It doesn't matter who started it.
8. Ask for sprinkles.
9. If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.
10. Save a place in line for your friends.
11. Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
12. If you want a kitten, begin by asking for a horse.
13. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose.
14. Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
15. Making your bed is a waste of time.
16. There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
17. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
18. If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
19. Toads aren't ugly, they're just toads.
20. Don't pop someone else's bubble.
21. You work so hard peddling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down.
22. If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you'll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life.
23. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.
24. Chasing the cat is more fun than catching the cat.
25. Make your mother proud of you.

Working Together

An out-of-towner in a desolated area drove his car into a ditch. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"
And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind. If he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Value

At one time Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America. He came to America from his native Scotland when he was a small boy, did a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States. At one time he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person; conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to at least twenty million dollars today.
A reporter asked Carnegie how he had managed to hire forty- three millionaires. Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him but had become millionaires as a result.
The reporter's next question was, "How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?" Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold; but one doesn't go into the mine looking for dirt - one goes in looking for the gold.

Wheat From Egyptian Tombs

A handful of wheat, five thousand years old, was found in the tomb of one of the kings of ancient Egypt. Someone planted the grains and, to everyone’s amazement, they came to life.
An enlightened person’s words are like seeds of life and energy. They can remain in the form of seeds for centuries until they are sown in the fertile soil of a receptive heart.
I used to think the words of scripture were dead and dry. But it was my heart that was barren and dead, so how could anything take root there?

from Anthony de Mello, Song of the Bird

Power

Eternal God, you are the power behind all things:
Behind the energy of the atom, behind the heat of a million suns.
Eternal God, you are the power behind all minds:
Behind the ability to think and reason, behind the understanding of all truth.
Eternal God, you are the power behind the athlete:
Behind the burst of strength, behind the stamina and perseverance.
Eternal God, you are the power behind the cross of Christ:
Behind the weakness, the torture, and the death, behind the unconquerable love.
In you, eternal God, we have seen power at its most productive, most caring, most redemptive.
Eternal Power, we worship and adore you.

Father, source of all power:
We confess that we do not always use the power you have given us as you intend.
Sometimes we are afraid of the power we wield, and so do not use it at all:
At other times we are careless in our use of it, and harm others.
At yet other times we deliberately misuse it to achieve our own selfish ends:
We confess our misuse of our God-given powers, and ask for your wisdom and grace to use them properly in the future.
Teach us to use the power you have given to us, not for our own benefit, but for the benefit of others, and for all.
For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory. Amen.

A Prayer for Sight

I see people, Lord, but they’re all a blur of activity ... a little like trees walking about. Go here! Go there! Do this! Do that! It’s like we are all in a frantic scramble of climb and push and shove.
I’d really like to know each person as a unique individual, Lord, not just as a consumer or competitor. But how? Too many people enter my day for me to pay attention to them all.
If I cannot truly ‘see’ everyone, Lord, may I at least see someone. Help me to see that solitary individual ... and for the rest - forgive, O Lord, forgive.
Amen.

From Richard Foster, Prayers from the Heart

Exercise Calorie Chart

Beating around the bush...75
Swallowing your pride.......50
Grasping at straws.............75
Beating your own drum...100
Pushing your luck.............250
Making mountains out of molehills...500
Hitting the nail on the head...50
Turning the other cheek....75

23rd Psalm

(by a Christian Japanese)
The Lord is my pace-setter I shall not rush
He makes me stop for quiet intervals
He provides me with images of stillness which restore my serenity,
He leads me in ways of efficiency through calmness of mind,
And His guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for His presence is here,
His timelessness, His all-importance, will keep me in balance,
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity,
By anointing my head with oils of tranquillity,
My cup of energy joyously overflows.
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours,
For I shall walk in the pace of my Lord,
And dwell in His house forever.

Definitions which are truer than they seem!

SPONSORS: People who make television programs possible and impossible at the same time
OFFICE FILING: An orderly system of misplacing important papers
ORAL SURGERY: The hospital department where they try to talk you out of it.
PERFECTIONIST: One who takes great pains and gives them to other people
NEUROTIC: A person who worries about things that did not happen in the past instead of worrying about something that won’t happen in the future ... like normal people.
ANTIQUES: Fugitives from a junk yard with a price on their heads...
A BORE: Someone who persists in holding their own views after we have enlightened them with ours...
CONTRALTO: A sort of low music that only ladies sing.

A Prayer for Quiet

I have, O Lord, a noisy heart. And entering outward silence doesn’t stop the inner clamour. In fact, it seems only to make it worse. When I am full of activity, the internal noise is only a distant rumble; but when I get still, the rumble amplifies itself. And it is not like the majestic sound of a symphony rising to a grand crescendo; rather it is the deafening din of clashing pots and clanging pans. What a racket! Worst of all, I fell helpless to hush the interior pandemonium.
Dear Lord Jesus, you once spoke peace to the wind and the waves. Speak your shalom over my heart. I wait silently… patiently. I receive into the very core of my being your loving command, ‘Peace, be still.’ Amen.

from Richard Foster, Prayers from the Heart

The Job

Enter the first applicant.
“You understand that this is a simple test we are giving you before we offer you the job you have applied for?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what is two plus two?”
“Four.”

Enter the second applicant.
“Are you ready for the test?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what is two plus two?”
“Whatever the boss says it is.”

The second applicant got the job.

Which comes first: orthodoxy, or truth?

from Anthony de Mello, The Song of the Bird

Get Into Some Holiday Reading!

House Construction by Bill Jerome Home
Science Education Today by I. Noah Little
Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
Handel's Messiah by Ollie Luyah
Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
Unemployed by Anita Job
Off to Market by Tobias A. Pigg
The French Chef by Sue Flay
Why Cars Stop by M. T. Tank
Cloning by Ima Dubble
Catching Worms by Earl E Byrd
or how about these gripping tomes…
Popular Lawyers
Spicy Irish Cooking
How to Reduce Hyperbole by Bruce McAvaney
English Tanning Secrets

A Powerful Church?

My critique is not of the Faith, but our version of it. We, with "our" faith, have lost our saltiness, and so, our Lord said, we are fit for nothing and should be thrown out, to be trampled underfoot by men (Matthew 5: 13). And to a degree, we have been trampled. We complain about this in mind that secular humanists and "the Liberal media" are making us victims and treating us unfairly - but fail to realise that our lack of respect merely affirms the truth of Jesus Christ's words! We deserve to be trampled when we claim of faith of such power and show so little of it in our lives.
(Yes, I am aware of "power evangelism," "power encounters," "laughing revivals," and the rest. They have their place, but isn't the power we really long to see not just a matter of shaking of a person’s limbs or emotions or vocal apparatus but rather the power to shake our selfishness, pettiness, prejudice, laziness, and fear? I am waiting for a power encounter the results not just in tongues-speaking but in sustained tithing, not just in hankering for physical healing but in sustained effort for racial healing, not just in the emotional manifestations but in better art and better ecology and more neighbourly people. That would be miraculous enough for me at this point.)

Brian D McLaren, The Church on the Other Side, pp 30-31

Mutonyms!

(Change one letter to make a new word)
REVOLTING DOOR - an entrance/exit device that pushes back with equal force against the push you apply.
AIRPORK - where pigs go to practice flying
COMPOTER - electronic device for making fruit desserts
NONSCIENCE - your reply to that nagging feeling that you're doing something you shouldn't
MOTORCYCOE - a homicidal killer on two wheels
SINONYM - euphemism for doing something bad
SINTAX - a payment made to the state to buy forgiveness
SMALLPIX - high-resolution thumbnail images
CANFERENCE - annual gathering of down-sized employees
DADGET - a device that fixes things around the house
INJEST - to eat something that tastes funny
KONGRESS - Queen Kong
INSTINCK - how a skunk finds his way home
PAPLE SYRUP - communion juice concentrate
TOFFEE BREAK - Englishman's mid-morning rest from work
WEDMASTER - person who presides over Internet marriages

Money

Some years ago a newspaper offered a prize for the best definition of money. The winning entry stated:

“Money is a universal provider of everything but happiness,
and a passport to everywhere but heaven.”

---

A budget is a mathematical computation that proves you can’t live on what you’re earning.

---

A mission leader once said, “When I am given a large sum of money, I get rid of it as quickly as possible, lest it find a way into my heart.”

---

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

Justice

What's been done in the name of Jesus
What's been done in the name of Buddha
What's been done in the name of Islam
What's been done in the name of man
What's been done in the name of liberation
And in the name of civilization
And in the name of race
And in the name of peace!
Everybody loves to see justice done on somebody else."

- "Justice" by Bruce Cockburn

Keep Us From Pettiness

Keep us, O God, from pettiness; let us be large in thought, in word, in deed.
Let us be done with faultfinding and leave off self-seeking.
May we put away all pretenses and meet each other, face to face, without self-pity and without prejudice.
May we never be hasty in judgment and always generous.
Let us take time for all things; make us to grow calm, serene, gentle.
Teach us to put in action our better impulses-straightforward and unafraid.
Grant that we may realize it is the little things of life that create difficulties; that in the big things of life we are as one.
Oh, Lord, let us not forget to be kind.
Amen.

- Mary Stewart, Queen of Scots

A New Focus

So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other [people] and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed - but hate these things in yourself, not in another.

- Thomas Merton, from "New Seeds of Contemplation" -

To Do Some Work of Peace for Thee

O Lord,
open my eyes that I may see the needs of others;
open my ears that I may hear their cries;
open my heart so that they need not be without succour;

Let me not be afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong,
nor afraid to defend the poor because of the anger of the rich.
Show me where love and hope and faith are needed, and use me to bring them to those places.
And so open my eyes and my ears that I may this coming day be able to do some work of peace for Thee.
Amen.

from Prayers From the Heart, by Richard Foster

Strange Definitions

Tautology: Saying the same thing again twice.
School Reunion: Where you meet people who used to be the same age as you.
Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.
Conscience: The small inner voice that tells you that you may be audited.
Interactive TV: When you lose the remote control.

Contentment

Paradoxical as it seemed the Master always insisted that the true reformer was one who was able to see that everything is perfect as it is – and able to leave it alone.
“Then why would he wish to reform anything?” protested the disciples?
“Well, there are reformers and there are reformers: One type lets action flow through them while they themselves do nothing; these are like people who change the shape and flow of a river. The others generate their own activity; they are like people who exert themselves to make the river wetter.”

from Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom

Holding Fast

This Revelation was given me to teach me the wisdom of holding fast to the goodness of God. At that time our ways of praying were brought to my mind: how in ignorance of love we use many devices as we seek to petition God. I saw that it brings more glory to God, and gives him more delight if we pray to him trusting only in his goodness and clinging only to him in the power of his grace, with real understanding and unwavering love, than if we tried every device that our hearts could think of. For every device we use to help us come to God will be inadequate and will fall short of true worship; all that we need lies in his goodness, nothing is missing there.

Mother Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love

The Rule of Silence

A nun joined a convent which had a rule of silence; she was permitted to say only two words a year. The first year she came to Mother Superior and said "Bed hard". Mother Superior thanked her and promised to get her a softer mattress. The second year the nun came to the Mother Superior and said, "Food cold". Again Mother Superior thanked her and said she would look into the matter. The third year the nun came to the Mother Superior and said "I'm leaving". Mother Superior said, "I'm not surprised. All you've done since you've arrived is complain, complain, complain."

Philosophy

Before the visitor embarked upon discipleship he wanted assurance from the Master.
“Can you teach me the goal of human life?”
‘I cannot’
“Or at least its meaning?”
‘I cannot’
Can you indicate to me the nature of death and of life beyond the grave?
‘I cannot’
The visitor walked away in scorn. The disciples were dismayed that their Master had been shown up in a poor light. Said the Master smoothingly, “Of what use is it to comprehend life’s nature and life’s meaning if you have never tasted it? I’d rather you ate your pudding than speculated on it.”

from Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom

The Seven "UPS"

1. Wake Up!!
Decide to have a good day.
Psalms 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
2. Dress Up!!
...put on a smile.
James 5:13 Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.
3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen.
Prov. 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 13:3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
4. Stand Up!!
...Act on what you believe in.
Galatians 6:9-10 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
5. Look Up!!
...To the Lord.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
6. Reach Up!!
...For something higher.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
7. Lift Up!!
...Your Prayers.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

History Like You've Never Heard It Before

(purported to be answers provided by sixth-graders during history tests. Probably more urban myths, but funny all the same)
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
3. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
4. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He died from an overdose of wedlock.
5. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
6. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
7. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.

My Symphony

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common - this is my symphony.

- William Henry Channing -