Anyone Could Do That!!

In the Moscow Circus a beautiful woman lion tamer would have a fierce lion come to her meekly, put his paws around her, and nuzzle her with affection. The crowd thundered its approval. All except an Armenian who declared, “What’s so great about that? Anybody can do that.” The ringmaster challenged him, “Would you like to try it?” The Armenian’s reply came back: “Yes, but first get that lion out of there.”

Who was that?

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

The Economic Rationalist Mindset...

The story is told of a Consultant who, sent to assess an orchestra's performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony, wrote this report:
1. For considerable periods, the 4 oboe players had nothing to do. The number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus eliminating these peaks of inactivity.
2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes. This seems an unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through an electronic amplifier.
3. Much effort was expended in the playing of demi-semi-quavers. This seems an unnecessary refinement and it is recommended that all these notes should be rounded up to the nearest semi-quaver. If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees and low grade operators.
4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all the redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from 2 hours to 20 minutes.
5. If Schubert had attended to these matters, he probably would have finished this Symphony.

Prints from Negatives

Writing about the spiritual life is like making prints from negatives … Often it is the dark forest that makes us speak about the open field. Frequently prison makes us think about freedom, hunger helps us to appreciate food, and war gives us words for peace. Not seldom are our visions of the future born out of the sufferings of the present and our hope for others born out of our own despair. Only few “happy endings” make us happy, but often someone’s careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties, and painful conditions of life give us new hope. The paradox is indeed that new life is born out of the pains of the old.

Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

Preferred Reading

G. K. Chesterton and several other literary figures were asked one evening what book they would prefer to have with them if stranded on a desert isle. One writer said without hesitation: “The complete works of Shakespeare.” Another said, “I’d choose the Bible.” They turned to Chesterton. “How about you?” And Chesterton replied, “I would choose Thomas’s Guide to Practical ShipBuilding.”

Prayer in Trouble

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was give life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for-
but got everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all people, most richly blessed.

- an Unknown Confederate Soldier

Let There Be Peace - A Modern Parable

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. “From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look," he said, “I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Help from Experience

Two hunters flew deep into the remote backwoods of Canada to hunt elk. They bagged six elk. The pilot told them the plane could carry only four of the elk out. “But the plane that carried us out last year was exactly like this one,” the hunters protested. “The horsepower was the same, the weather was similar, and we had six elk then.” Hearing this, the pilot reluctantly agreed to try. They loaded up and took off, but sure enough, there was insufficient power to climb out of the valley with all that weight, and they crashed. As they stumbled from the wreckage, one hunter asked the other hunter if he knew where they were. “Well, I’m not sure,” replied the second, “but I think we are about two miles from where we crashed last year.”

The Job

Enter the first applicant.
“You understand that this is a simple test we are giving you before we offer you the job you have applied for?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what is two plus two?”
“Four.”
Enter the second applicant.
“Are you ready for the test?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what is two plus two?”
“Whatever the boss says it is.”
The second applicant got the job.

Which comes first: orthodoxy, or truth?

from Anthony de Mello, The Song of the Bird

Pastor Quits Sports

Twelve reasons why Local Clergyman Stopped Attending Athletic Contests
1. Every time I went, they asked me for money.
2. The people with whom I sat didn’t seem very friendly.
3. The seats were too hard and not very comfortable.
4. The coach never came to call on me.
5. The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.
6. I was sitting with some hypocrites who only came to see what others were wearing.
7. Some games went into overtime and I was late getting home.
8. The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.
9. The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.
10. My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.
11. Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.
12. I don’t want to take my children, because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like the best.
With apologies for those who use the same excuses for not going to church.

The Smaller Beatitudes

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves: they will have no end of fun.
Blessed are those who can tell a mountain from a molehill: they will be saved a lot of bother.
Blessed are those who know how to relax without looking for excuses: they are on the way to becoming wise.
Blessed are those who know when to be quiet and listen: they will lean a lot of new things.
Blessed are those who think before acting and pray before thinking: they will avoid many blunders.
Happy are you when you can take small things seriously and face serious things calmly: you will go far in life.
Happy are you if you can appreciate a smile and forget a frown: you will walk on the sunny side of the street.
Happy are you if you can be kind in understanding the attitudes of others, even when the signs are unfavourable: you may be taken for a fool, but this is the price of charity.
Happy are you if you know how to hold your tongue and smile, even when the people interrupt and contradict you or tread on your toes: the gospel has begun to seep into your heart.
Above all
Blessed are you when you recognise the Lord in all whom you meet: the light of truth shines in your life and you have found true wisdom.

The callenges of silence

A nun joined a convent which had a rule of silence; she was permitted to say only two words a year. The first year she came to Mother Superior and said "Bed hard". Mother Superior thanked her and promised to get her a softer mattress. The second year the nun came to the Mother Superior and said, "Food cold". Again Mother Superior thanked her and said she would look into the matter. The third year the nun came to the Mother Superior and said "I'm leaving". Mother Superior said, "I'm not surprised. All you've done since you've arrived is complain, complain, complain."

Some thoughts on prayer:

• Mrs Billy Graham told an audience of women once, “God hasn’t always answered my prayers … if he had, I would’ve married the wrong man several times.”
• At the end of a hard week at the office, our spirits were raised when one of the staff sighed thankfully, “I’ve prayed all week for Friday to come and today my prayers were finally answered.”
• A sign in an American High School toilet read: “NOTICE! In the event of an atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in this school will be temporarily suspended.
• A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: “So your mother says your prayers for you each night. Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God, he’s in bed!”
• It’s easy to get mixed up when you are four years old and in church. This particular four-year-old prayer: “And forgive us our trash-baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

Kids' Perspectvies

Here are some letters kids wrote to their ministers:
Dear minister: I know that God loves everybody, but he never met my sister.
Dear minister: I would like to bring my dog to church on Sunday. She is only a mutt, but she is a good Christian.
Dear minister: I like to read the Bible, but I would read it more if they put it on TV.
Dear minister: Please say a prayer for the President, even if he is a Republican.
Dear minister: I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my big brother won’t be there.
Dear minister: I’m sorry I can’t leave more money in the plate on Sunday, but my father didn’t give me a raise in my allowance. Could you give a sermon about a raise in my allowance? It would help the church get more money.

After the Flood

After God had made the animals He asked them to go forth and multiply, and then to re-assemble in 12 months time to see how they were getting on. 12 months later the Mr and Mrs of the species paraded with their off-spring. Mr & Mrs Lion and their pride - God said “Well done”. Mr & Mrs Horse with their small herd were next - God was pleased with the results. Next came Mr & Mrs Rabbit with their multitude of offspring and God was more than impressed! Next came two snakes slithering by and God said “Hang on a minute,... why is their only two of you, when I asked you to go and multiply?”
“Oh, sorry God, but we’re only adders!!”

All the Mod-Cons!?

A missionary deep in the jungle came across a witch doctor who was pounding his drum furiously. ”What’s the matter?” asked the missionary with some trepidation. “We have no water,” replied the witch doctor. “Oh, I see,” said the missionary. “You’re praying for rain!” “No, I’m not” replied the witch doctor, “I’m sending for the plumber.”

The Holiness of Everyday Tasks

If all life is truly sacred, God, then help me to see the holiness of the everyday tasks of my life: cleaning house and laughing with friends and eating good food and sleeping through the night. Amen.

from Richard Foster, Prayers from the Heart

Taking Risks

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people in life who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

John Wesley's Covenant Prayer

Precious Lord, let me be Your servant, under Your command.
I will no longer be my own.
I give myself up to Your will in all things.
Make of me what You will. Rank me with whom You will.
I put myself fully in Your hands.
Put me to doing...or put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You... or laid aside for You
Exalted for You... or brought low for You.
Let me be full...or let me be empty.
Let me have all things... or let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now - O glorious and blessed God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - You are mine... and I am Yours. So be it! Let this covenant, which I make here on Earth today, be ratified in Heaven. In Christ's Name, I pray - Amen.

Psalm 23: Antithesis

The clock is my dictator, I shall not rest.
It makes me lie down only when exhausted.
It leads me to deep depression.
It hounds my soul.
It leads me in circles of frenzy for activity's sake.
Even though I run frantically from task to task,
I will never get it all done.
For my "ideal" is with me.
Deadlines and my need for approval, they drive me.
They demand performance from me, beyond the limits of my schedule.
They anoint my head with migraines.
My in-basket overflows.
Surely fatigue and time pressure shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the bonds of frustration forever.

Excuses...

Times were difficult during the war years. As we sorted through my Grandmother’s personal effects, we found a piece of paper which included the following snippets, purporting to be word-for-word extracts from letters received by the Department of Pensions.

• This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
• I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why that is so?
• I want the Congratulation money on the death of my husband.
• Dear Sir, I am forwarding my Marriage Certificate and my two children, one of which you will see is a mistake.
• You have changed my little girl into a boy; will it make any difference?
• In accordance with instructions, I have given birth to twins. They are enclosed here at the foot of this paper.

A Psalm to reflect on

Our God is not looking for a genius;
He does not require great talents.
He is not charmed by our panic ridden activity
He simply asks for our faith and our obedience.
It was when I turned from self seeking to
embrace His will for my life that I discovered
serenity and security.
...God grant that all who search for life’s meaning may
discover such in a relationship of love and trust in Him
They shall then know His greatness and proclaim
His praises.
As for me, foolish and sinful though I am,
I know that God will never cease to love me.

(Excerpts taken from Psalms Now)

Wheat From Egyptian Tombs

A handful of wheat, five thousand years old, was found in the tomb of one of the kings of ancient Egypt. Someone planted the grains and, to everyone’s amazement, they came to life.
An enlightened person’s words are like seeds of life and energy. They can remain in the form of seeds for centuries until they are sown in the fertile soil of a receptive heart.
I used to think the words of scripture were dead and dry. But it was my heart that was barren and dead, so how could anything take root there?

from Anthony de Mello, Song of the Bird

A Prayer for Sight

I see people, Lord, but they’re all a blur of activity ... a little like trees walking about. Go here! Go there! Do this! Do that! It’s like we are all in a frantic scramble of climb and push and shove.
I’d really like to know each person as a unique individual, Lord, not just as a consumer or competitor. But how? Too many people enter my day for me to pay attention to them all.
If I cannot truly ‘see’ everyone, Lord, may I at least see someone. Help me to see that solitary individual ... and for the rest — forgive, O Lord, forgive.
Amen.

from Richard Foster, Prayers from the Heart

Set Free

There once was a man named George Thomas, a pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit.
Several eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...
"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, ' What you got there son? ' "
"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing - they ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again. The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?" The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story......
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you!! You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your tears, and all your blood."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage, opened the door and walked from the pulpit.

The Seven "UPS"

1. Wake Up!!
Decide to have a good day.
Psalms 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
2. Dress Up!!
......put on a smile.
James 5:13 Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.
3. Shut Up!!
Say nice things and learn to listen.
Prov. 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 13:3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
4. Stand Up!!...
....Act on what you believe in.
Galatians 6:9-10 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
5. Look Up!!
....To the Lord.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
6. Reach Up!!
....For something higher.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
7. Lift Up!!
....Your Prayers.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

The Soldier’s Prayer

I asked for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey...
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise...
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God...
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...
I got nothing that I asked for — but everything that I had hoped for...
Almost despite myself, my prayers were answered.

Sin

One of the disconcerting – and delightful – teachings of the Master was: God is closer to sinners than to saints.
This is how he explained it: God in heaven holds each person by a string. When you sin you cut the string. Then God ties it up again, making a knot – and thereby bringing you a little closer to him. Again and again your sins cut the string – and with each further knot God keeps drawing you closer and closer.

from Anthony de Mello, One Minute Wisdom

Run through the Rain

She had been shopping with her mum. She must have been six years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.
We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the shop. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I get lost in the sound and sight of the havens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in. "Mum, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mum asked. "Let's run through the rain!" She repeated. "No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mum replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mum, let's run through the rain." "We'll get soaked if we do," Mum said. "No, we won't, Mum. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mum's arm. "This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?" "Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mum paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mum said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories. So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day! To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
Hope you still take the time to run through the rain!

Perspectives on Life

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably one of the greatest political sages. Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.