Struggle

To have striven, to have made the effort, to have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle.

- Sir William Osler

Life Value

When you're in your 90s and looking back, it's not going to be how much money you made or how many awards you've won. It's really "What did you stand for? Did you make a positive difference for people?"

- Elizabeth Dole

Instinct

The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him, and to fly from all that pursue him.

- Voltaire

Life

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

- Agatha Christie

Identity

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Connections

Every man, however obscure, however far removed from the general recognition, is one of a group of men impressible for good, and impressible for evil, and it is in the nature of things that he cannot really improve himself without in some degree improving other men.

- Charles Dickens

Wisdom

True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance.

- Akhenaton

Leadership

To act and act wisely when the time for action comes, to wait and wait patiently when it is time for repose, put man in accord with the rising and falling tides (of affairs), so that with nature and law at his back, and truth and beneficence as his beacon light, he may accomplish wonders. Ignorance of this law results in periods of unreasoning enthusiasm on the one hand, and depression on the other. Man thus becomes the victim of the tides when he should be their master.

- Helena Petrova Blavatsky

Perspective

Can there be anything worse than blindness? Oh yes...for the most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.

- Helen Keller

Understanding

Understanding a person does not mean condoning; it only means that one does not accuse him as if one were God or a judge placed above him.

- Erich Fromm

The source of greatness

Buried deep within each of us is a spark of greatness, a spark than can be fanned into flames of passion and achievement. That spark is not outside of you it is born deep within you.

- James A. Ray

Engagement

A painter told me that nobody could draw a tree without in some sort becoming a tree; or draw a child by studying the outlines of its form merely...but by watching for a time his motions and plays, the painter enters into his nature and can then draw him.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Search for Truth

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.

- Rene Descartes

Decisions

It isn't really important to decide when you are very young just exactly what you want to become when you grow up. It is much more important to decide on the way you want to live.

- Golda Meir (1898-1978) Israeli Prime Minister

In Whose Image?

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.

- Voltaire

Paradox

The greater the happiness, the greater could be the sadness. The more exciting the achievement, the more devastating could be the failure. These are the chances we take when we reach for something worthwhile.

- Freddie Mitman

Changing History

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.

- Robert F. Kennedy

The next step

Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that talent to the dark place where it leads.

- Erica Jong

Progress

Progress, however, of the best kind, is comparatively slow. Great results cannot be achieved at once; and we must be satisfied to advance in life as we walk, step by step.

- Samuel Smiles

Trivia

Between falsehood and useless truth there is little difference. As gold which he cannot spend will make no man rich, so knowledge which cannot apply will make no man wise.

- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

What is Valued

What people get admired and appreciated for in community are their soft skills: their sense of humour and timing, their ability to listen, their courage and honesty, their capacity for empathy.

- M. Scott Peck

Perspective

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks.

- Phillips Brooks

Understanding

If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at the same time, insight into and understanding of many things.

- Vincent Van Gogh

Value

No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning.

- Barbara De Angelis

Influence

One life stamps and influences another, which in turn stamps and influences another, on and on until the soul of human experience breathes on in generations we'll never even meet.

- Mary Kay Blakely

Doubting Oneself

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

- Alexandre Dumas

Understanding

There are some things you don't have to know how it works - only that it works. While some people are studying the roots, others are picking the fruit. It just depends on which end of this you want to get in on.

- Jim Rohn

Which side of the Ledger?

The Bible gives us a list of human stories on both sides of the ledger. One list of human stories is used as examples - do what these people did. Another list of human stories is used as warnings - don't do what these people did. So if your story ever gets in one of these books, make sure they use it as an example, not a warning.

- Jim Rohn

Perspective

The decent moderation of today will be the least of human things tomorrow. At the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the opinion of good sense and of the good medium was certainly that people ought not to burn too large a number of heretics; extreme and unreasonable opinion obviously demanded that they should burn none at all.

- Maurice Maeterlinck, poet, dramatist, and Nobel laureate (1862-1949)

Creativity

Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.

- Charles Mingus

Giving Honour

If you roll out the red carpet for a billionaire, they won't even notice it. If you roll out the red carpet for a millionaire, they expect it. If you roll out the red carpet for a thousandaire, they appreciate it. If you roll out the red carpet for a hundredaire, they tell everybody they know.

- Patricia Fripp

Identity

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.

- Stephen Covey

Journeys

The journey to discovery of your strength and your beauty begins as a tiny seed nurtured through the droughts and the harsh winters struggling towards the light to form a single bud which slowly opens its petals to reveal its beauty for the world to gaze in wonder.

Perspective

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

- Charles Swindoll

Choices

Keep in mind that you are always saying 'no' to something. If it isn't to the apparent, urgent things in your life, it is probably to the most fundamental, highly important things. Even when the urgent is good, the good can keep you from your best, keep you from your unique contribution, if you let it.

- Stephen Covey

Putting things in order

To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.

- Confucius

Options

It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.

- Whitney Young, Jr.

The Cost of Quitting

Have you ever considered the cost of quitting? For a real eye opener...ask Thomas Edison...Steve Jobs...Michael Jordan...or Jim Carrey...ask them how much it would have cost them if they had quit...what about you?

- Doug Firebaugh

Your greatest asset

Your decision to be, have and do something out of ordinary entails facing difficulties that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.

- Brian Tracy

Integrity

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?

- Fanny Brice

Greatness

I believe that the first test of a truly great man is his humility. I do not mean by humility, doubt of his own powers. But really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not in them, but through them. And they see something divine in every other man and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful.

- John Ruskin (1819-1900)

The value of boredom

You have to allow a certain amount of time in which you are doing nothing in order to have things occur to you, to let your mind think.

- Mortimer Adler

A True Friend

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.

- William Arthur Ward

Mistakes

When you make a mistake or get ridiculed or rejected, look at mistakes as learning experiences, and ridicule as ignorance...Look at rejection as part of one performance, not as a turn down of the performer.

- Denis Waitley

Lest We Forget

War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children

- Jimmy Carter

Democracy's Ideal

My idea of democracy is that the weak is improved as much as the strong. Democracy is an impossible thing unless the power is shared by all.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Character

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

- Helen Keller

Capacity

We have not wings we cannot soar; but, we have feet to scale and climb, by slow degrees, by more and more, the cloudy summits of our time.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Wonder

People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea , at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.

- Saint Augustine

Love of Neighbour

Love of our neighbour consists of three things: to desire the greater good of everyone, to do what good we can when we can, and to bear, excuse and hide others' faults.

- St. John Vianney

Beginnings

A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit

- D. Elton Trueblood

Life

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

- George Bernard Shaw

Money

Money, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society.

- Ambrose Bierce, writer (1842-1914)

Necessity is the mother of...

Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.

- William Pitt, British prime-minister (1759-1806)

My Challenge

I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore there can be any kindness I can show or any good thing I can do for any fellow being let me do it now...as I shall not pass this way again.

- William Penn

It is time...

Every now and then, somewhere, some place, sometime, you are going to have to plant your feet, stand firm, and make a point about who you are and what you believe in. When that time comes, Pat, you simply have to do it.

- Lee Riley (father of Pat Riley, NBA coach)

An Epitaph

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words - 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

- Mickey Rooney

Growth and change

The 'Inside-Out' approach to personal and self; even more fundamentally, to start with the most inside part of self - with your paradigms, your character, and your motives. The inside-out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others. It says it is futile to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselves.

- Stephen Covey

Change

Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have.

- Margaret Mead (1901-1978)

Solitude

Solitude, though it may be silent as light, is like light, the mightiest of agencies; for solitude is essential to man. All men come into this world alone; all leave it alone.

- Thomas De Quincey, writer (1785-1859)

Tragedy or...

Unfortunate events, though potentially a source of anger and despair, have equal potential to be a source of spiritual growth. Whether or not this is the outcome depends on our response

- The Dalai Lama

Joy and struggle

Jesus calls us to recognise that gladness and sadness are never separate, that joy and sorrow really belong together, and that mourning and dancing are part of the same movement. That is why Jesus calls us to be grateful for every moment that we have lived and to claim our unique journey as God’s way to mould our hearts to greater conformity with God’s own. The cross is the main symbol of our faith, and it invites us to find hope where we see pain and to reaffirm the resurrection where we see death. The call to be grateful is a call to trust that every moment of our life can be claimed as the way of the cross that leads us to new life

- Henri Nouwen

A different future

“They have taken the Lord out of his tomb and we do not know where they have laid him,” Mary Magdalene said, and we can say this with her in times of doubt and questioning. Then there’s that last glorious chapter of Saint Luke, where Jesus says, “Why are you so perturbed? Why do questions arise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself. Touch me and see.”
Yes, sometimes it is most surely an exercise of faith for us to see Christ, especially in each other. But it is through such exercise that we grow, and the joy of our calling assures us we are on the right path. Most certainly, it is easier to believe now that the sun warms us, and we know that buds will appear on the sycamore trees in the wasteland across the street, that life will spring out of the dull clods of that littered park. There are wars and rumors of war, poverty and plague, hunger and pain. Still, the sap is rising, again there is the resurrection of spring, God’s continuing promise to us that he is with us always, with his comfort and joy, if we will only ask

- Dorothy Day

Love in the abstract?

It is not love in the abstract that counts. Men have loved a cause as they have loved a woman. They have loved the brotherhood, the workers, the poor, the oppressed – but they have not loved man; they have not loved the least of these. They have not loved “personally.” It is hard to love. It is the hardest thing in the world, naturally speaking. Have you ever read Tolstoy’s Resurrection? He tells of political prisoners in a long prison train, enduring chains and persecution for the love of their brothers, ignoring those same brothers on the long trek to Siberia. It is never the brothers right next to us, but the brothers in the abstract that are easy to love

- Dorothy Day

Resurrection

We pay more attention to dying than to death. We’re more concerned to get over the act of dying than to overcome death. Socrates mastered the art of dying; Christ overcame death as the last enemy. There is a real difference between the two things; the one is within the scope of human possibilities, the other means resurrection

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Salvation begins...

How easy it is to denounce structural injustice, institutionalised violence, social sin! And it is true, this sin is everywhere, but where are the roots of this social sin? In the heart of every human being. Present-day society is a sort of anonymous world in which no one is willing to admit guilt, and everyone is responsible. We are all sinners, and we have all contributed to this massive crime and violence in our country. Salvation begins with the human person, with human dignity, with saving every person from sin

- Oscar Romero

The Greatest Gift

Surrendering to the will of Jesus means becoming one with him and with one another. Jesus fought so hard to surrender his will to the Father’s that he sweated drops of blood. Evil powers surrounded him and tried to cause his downfall, but he remained faithful: his attitude was “Thy will, not my will” (Luke 22:42). This should be our attitude, too, in all questions, even if we are persecuted for our faith. Whatever happens, imprisonment or even death, we should say, “Thy will, not my will.”

- J. Heinrich Arnold

People of the Heart

People with intellectual disabilities are not able to assume important roles of power and of efficacy. They are essentially people of the heart. When they meet others they do not have a hidden agenda for power or for success. Their cry, their fundamental cry, is for a relationship, a meeting heart to heart. It is this meeting that awakens them, opens them up to life, and calls them forth to love in great simplicity, freedom and openness. When those ingrained in a culture of winning and of individual success really meet them, and enter into friendship with them, something amazing and wonderful happens. They too are opened up to love and even to God. They are changed at a very deep level. They are transformed and become more fundamentally human

- Jean Vanier, “More Important Than Winning”

God's Gifts

For God does not give us anything in order that we should enjoy its possession and rest content with it, nor has he ever done so. All the gifts which he has ever granted us in heaven or on earth were made solely in order to be able to give us the one gift, which is himself. With all other gifts he simply wants to prepare us for that gift which is himself. And all the works which God has ever performed in heaven or on earth served solely to perform the one work, that is to sanctify himself so that he can sanctify us. And so I tell you that we should learn to see God in all gifts and works, neither resting content with anything nor becoming attached to anything. For us there can be no attachment to a particular manner of behavior in this life, nor has this ever been right, however successful we may have been.

- Meister Eckhart

Thankfulness

There is no better opportunity to receive more than to be thankful for what you already have. Thanksgiving opens the windows of opportunity for ideas to flow you way.

- Jim Rohn

Finding Life

Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day, and death to your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find him, and with him everything else thrown in

- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The Crucified God

The symbol of the cross in the church points to the God who was crucified not between two candles on an altar, but between two thieves in the place of the skull, where the outcasts belong, outside the gates of the city. It does not invite thought, but a change of mind. It is a symbol which therefore leads out of the church and out of religious longing into the fellowship of the oppressed and abandoned. On the other hand, it is a symbol which calls the oppressed and godless into the church and through the church into the fellowship of the crucified God.

Jürgen Moltmann, The Crucified God

Blind Spots

Just as the hand, held before the eye, can hide the tallest mountain, so the routine of everyday life can keep us from seeing the vast radiance and the secret wonders that fill the world.

- 18th-century Chasidic saying

Ignorance

The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible, and achieve it, generation after generation.

- Pearl S. Buck

Beginnings

Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

- St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Beginnings

Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualise not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualising the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.

- Cherie Carter-Scott

Choice

What is the most important thing that you should do right now? It's easy to figure out the answer - the most important thing is usually the item you least want to do. So jump on it. Get it out of the way. Then go on to the next thing you don't want to do and get rid of that item by completing it. You'll be amazed at how it frees your spirit not to have them hanging over you.

- Tom Hopkins

Challenge

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Growth

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

- George Bernard Shaw

Perspective

Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands - a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and, above all, the assurance that you are not alone in the world.

- Sidney Lovett

Wisdom

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

The Road Less Travelled

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Change

When Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb, he didn't start by trying to improve the candle. He decided that he wanted better light and went from there.

- Wendy Kopp, Founder and president, Teach for America

D-I-Y

Building a deck is NOT as hard as you think! I've watched TV personality Bob Vila do it many times, and he is a regular 'do-it-yourselfer' just like you, except that he has knowledge, skill, an unlimited budget and a large staff of experts.

- Dave Barry

The Power of Speech

Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful.

- Norman Vincent Peale

Living in the Moment

If I look back at my first forty years on this planet, and take away all the times I was living in the past or the future, I'd say I really existed for maybe a month.

- Al Franken "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!" Dell

Body, Mind and Soul

Treat your body like a temple, not a woodshed. The mind and body work together. Your body needs to be a good support system for the mind and spirit. If you take good care of it, your body can take you wherever you want to go, with the power and strength and energy and vitality you will need to get there.

People

There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.

- Douglas Everett

Living

There are those of us who are always about to live. We are waiting until things change, until there is more time, until we are less tired, until we get a promotion, until we settle down - until, until, until. It always seems as if there is some major event that must occur in our lives before we begin living.

- George Sheehan

Perseverance

When the morning's freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles give under the strain, the climb seems endless, and suddenly nothing will go quite as you wish-it is then that you must not hesitate.

- Dag Hammarskjold

The Workout Diary

For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week with a personal trainer at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.

Day 1.
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT.

Day 2.
Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel GREAT.

Day 3.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.

Day 4.
Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.

Day 5.
I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?

Day 6.
Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.

Day 7.
Well, that's the week. Thank God that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist's.

Accommodation Problems

A large family, with seven children, moved to a new city. They were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to the large family.
After several days of searching, the father asked the mother to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning they found a place that was just right.
Then the landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" The father answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment!

Creative Selling

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

Changes

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a rather heavy, not too attractive, older lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a beautiful, young woman stepped out. The father, said quietly to his boy, "Quick Son, go get your Mother."

Change

It's easy to come up with new ideas; the hard part is letting go of what worked for you two years ago, but will soon be out of date.

- Roger Von Oech

Character

The depth and strength of a human character are defined by its moral reserves. People reveal themselves completely only when they are thrown out of the customary conditions of their life, for only then do they have to fall back on their reserves.

- Leon Trotsky

Opportunity

If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return?

- Dame Margot Fonteyn

Holmes and Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

Feeling Fine

Clyde, a farmer in Alabama, decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'", asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you or did you not say 'I'm fine' at the scene of the accident?"
Clyde said, "Well, yes, but I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite mule, Bessie."
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, like I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
"About that time a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
"After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said, 'And, how are YOU feeling?'"
(Context is king!)

Some Signs That Old Age Might Be Creeping Up On You

When you like to be in crowds because they keep you from falling down.
When the parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.
When your favourite section of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today".
When a big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.
When your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
When your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.
When your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.
When somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.

by George Burns