On The Journey Toward Claiming my Vocation

Last year I was invited to enter the discernment process for a position that in every way appeared to be the fulfillment of my vocational path. Yet it would require me to disrupt my academic and training programs and leave my home. After months of discussion and prayer, I was indeed "called." Would I come? It is no exaggeration to say that this was the most difficult decision I have ever been asked to make. Both my current work and this new call felt like good and holy paths, with opportunities to live my gifts and to serve others. Both offered possibilities for deep relationships and spiritual growth.
I confess I was not pleased with God for presenting me with this choice. I spent many days on retreat grappling with myself and with God. And then I remembered Henri Nouwen's words to me: "Spiritual maturity is not knowing what to do with your whole life," he said, "but just knowing what to do next." I stopped thinking about it and listened. I listened until it hurt. And then I knew. I must stay and not go.
The ten years since that meeting with Henri have seen dreams fulfilled, dreams discarded, and many, many surprises. I know now that vocation is an invitation to a deep listening that requires a willingness to be interrupted in our plans, shaken in our beliefs, even shattered in our images of ourselves. I know now that we cannot "claim our vocation." "You did not choose me," Jesus said, "but I chose you." We can only dare to be claimed, to live the joy of the yes, and to embrace the reality of the losses that are inevitable in every yes. Then, when we are truly claimed, we must know that this identity too may be interrupted. And this, too, is good.

by Lisa Cataldo