On The Journey Towards Responsibility

Responsibility is one of those words whose meaning changes over time. When we're children, responsibility is an achievement to be celebrated. As adults, responsibility might not look so appealing. It smacks of burden, obligation, being tied down. It seems obvious to consider that responsibility is about response - the ability to respond - but what might not seem so obvious is that responsibility is an attitude of the heart. What does it mean to have a responsive heart? It means being open to our own emotions and needs, receiving the pain and joy of others, and giving something of ourselves in return.
As a therapist, I have seen that many people struggle deeply with responsibility (response-ability). The thought of truly responding to our own deepest longings and the needs of others is frightening and overwhelming. One person I work with feels that if others need anything from her she will be consumed, wiped out by the other's request for her to respond. For that reason, everything that happens to her must be someone else's responsibility. And of course, she cannot allow herself to have any needs either, as this might wipe out the other who has to respond to her.
When we fear responsibility, we become isolated, afraid to really connect to the other who needs us, or the parts of ourselves that are weak or vulnerable. It's true that responsibility carries risk - risk that we will be unappreciated, or left heart-broken. But at the same time, when we are responsible we are alive; we are responding, not just passively letting life happen to us. The God who created us in the divine image might be thought of as "the one who responds." To take responsibility is to grow up in the Spirit and claim the life that we have been given. It's worth the risk.

by Lisa M. Cataldo