Characteristics of Bad Communication

1. Truth - You insist that you are "right" and the other person is "wrong".
2. Blame - You say that the problem is the other person's fault.
3. Martyrdom - You claim that you're an innocent victim.
4. Put-down - You imply that the other person is a loser because he or she "always" or "never" does certain things.
5. Hopelessness - You give up and insist there is no point in trying.
6. Demandingness - You say that you're entitled to better treatment but you refuse to ask for what you want in a direct, straightforward way.
7. Denial - You insist that you don't feel angry, hurt or sad when you really do.
8. Passive Aggression - You pout or withdraw or say nothing. You may storm out or slam doors.
9. Self-Blame - Instead of dealing with the problem, you act as though you are an awful, terrible person.
10. Helping - Instead of hearing how depressed, hurt or angry the other person feels, you try to "solve the problem" or "help" him or her.
11. Sarcasm - Your words or tone of voice convey tension or hostility which you aren't openly acknowledging.
12. Scapegoating - You suggest that the other person has "a problem" and that you're sane, happy and uninvolved in the conflict.
13. Defensiveness - You refuse to admit any wrong-doing or imperfection.
14. Counterattack - Instead of acknowledging how the other person feels, you respond to their criticism by criticizing them.
15. Diversion - Instead of dealing with how you both feel in the here-and-now, you list grievances about past injustices.