History Like You've Never Heard It Before

(purported to be answers provided by sixth-graders during history tests. Probably more urban myths, but funny all the same)
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
3. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
4. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He died from an overdose of wedlock.
5. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
6. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
7. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.