Crazy Thoughts and Sayings

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
• It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.