Rotten Rabbits

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there.
"Sit, Fluffy," she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said sit! Now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Fluffy, you stupid rabbit, will you be good?!"
Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman Pincher and chases it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says: "Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"

The Animals have a Superbowl too, you know!

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at halftime, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did" said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too" said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede
"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.
"Well" said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Check the Seal

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Lot’s Flea

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Vet visit

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650.
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

Bravery

"Yes, I came face to face with a lion once. To make matters worse, I was alone and weaponless..."
"Goodness! What did you do?"
"What could I do? First I tried looking straight into his eyeballs, but he kept crawling up on me. Then I thought of plunging my arm down his throat, grabbing him by the tail and turning him inside out, but I decided it would be too dangerous. Yet, he kept creeping up on me; I had to think fast..."
"How did you get away?"
"I just left him and passed on to the other cages."

Mightiest in the Jungle

A tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger). He just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" And this poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."
A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out: "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some greenery, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?" Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of orange and black, and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree. The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says: "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."

Dead Horses

Dakota Sioux tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in managing any business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

source unknown

The Flying Eye dog

A man was flying from Brisbane to Sydney. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Tamworth along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. One man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Tamworth for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind man {Keith} replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
A True story... Have a great day and remember...
Things aren't always as they appear.

source unknown

Responsibility of the Powerful

Before Peter Parker, the super-hero Spider-Man, went public with his newfound superpowers, he had a heart-to-heart conversation with his Uncle Ben. Sitting in the car, Uncle Ben admonished, "These are the years when a man becomes the man he's going to be for the rest of his life. Just be careful who you change into. You're feeling this great power, and with great power comes great responsibility.

Spider-Man (Columbia Pictures, 2002), directed by Sam Raimi

Globalisation

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with
an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk
on Scottish whisky,
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi
on Japanese motorcycles,
treated by an American doctor
using Brazilian medicines.
This is posted here by an Australian
using Bill Gates' technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer
that uses Taiwanese chips
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
unloaded by Maltese wharfies,
and trucked to you by resident Kiwis.
That, my friends, is Globalisation!

source unknown

Flying High...

After every flight, QANTAS pilots fill out a form, known as a 'gripe sheet' to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a 'P') and the solutions recorded (marked by an 'S') by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humour:

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

P: Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspect crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed in cockpit.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

The Atheist on the Plane

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

source unknown

Running Out of Gas

Frank Allegretti, 64, was a meticulous pilot with more than twenty years of experience—which makes it all the more shocking to hear that he crashed the plane he was piloting in a Iowa cornfield because it ran out of gas. He died in the crash. Interviewed for an article about the crash, Allegretti's wife, Cheryl, said, "Like everybody has told me, he was the most cautious, [safe] pilot they ever knew."
Sadly, Allegretti's story is fairly common among pilots. National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) officials say pilots run out of gas with surprising frequency. In the past five years, fuel exhaustion was the cause or a contributing factor in 238 small plane crashes in the U.S., killing 29 people.
"It's surprising to me," said Tom Haueter, director of NTSB's Office of Aviation Safety, "that there's a group of pilots who will knowingly push it, thinking, I can make it the last couple of miles and come up short."

source unknown

Grace for the Worst of Sinners

The film Amazing Grace chronicles William Wilberforce (Ioan Gruffedd) as he endeavors to end the British transatlantic slave trade in the nineteenth century.
Wilberforce has made an earlier visit to his old pastor and friend John Newton (Albert Finney). Newton himself was a former captain of a slave ship prior to his conversion to Christ and Wilberforce was hopeful that Newton would give an account of his slave-ship days. Newton, however, refused to do so, because the experience and the "20,000 ghosts" haunted him too greatly.
Now, near success in ending the slave trade, Wilberforce visits Newton and discovers that he has recorded his account. His eyesight now gone, Newton says to Wilberforce, "You must use it. Names, records, ship records, ports, people—everything I remember is in here. Although my memory is fading, I remember two things very clearly: I'm a great sinner, and Christ is a great Saviour."

source unknown

Elizabeth Edwards Describes the Trauma of Spouse's Infidelity

John Edwards ran for his party's presidential nomination for the 2004 election and again for 2008. He did not win either nomination, but he was John Kerry's vice presidential running mate for 2004. In 2008, he admitted publicly to having an extramarital affair with a campaign worker. In the book Resilience, his wife, Elizabeth, writes about how her husband's adultery affected her.
When she and John were first married, she had pointedly asked him to be faithful. Her fear of having an unfaithful husband was formed to a large degree by seeing what her mother had experienced. Her mother suspected that her husband had been unfaithful, and though she never confronted him about it, she lived with a nagging, painful uncertainty for many years. Elizabeth learned about this as a teenager when reading her mother's journal, which she found one day in their home. Seeing how even the suspicion of unfaithfulness had tormented her mother's heart stamped Elizabeth's own heart.
Even so, she had great confidence in John's love for her. She had not been a suspicious wife. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, John stood by her during her treatment. In 2006, Elizabeth encouraged him to travel without her when necessary to pursue his political dreams. At this time Elizabeth did not know that soon after beginning the campaign her husband had begun an ongoing adulterous relationship with another woman. Then, on December 30, 2006, almost a year after beginning the ongoing affair, John admitted to his wife of 28 years that he had been unfaithful on one occasion.
Elizabeth writes:
After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up. And the next day John and I spoke. He wasn't coy, but it turned out he wasn't forthright either … . So much has happened that it is sometimes hard for me to gather my feelings from that moment. I felt that the ground underneath me had been pulled away. I wanted him to drop out of the race, protect our family from this woman, from his act … . I was afraid of her … .
I spent months learning to live with [what I thought was] a single incidence of infidelity. And I would like to say that a single incidence is easy to overcome, but it is not. I am who I am. I am imperfect in a million ways, but I always thought I was the kind of woman, the kind of wife to whom a husband would be faithful. I had asked for fidelity, begged for it, really, when we married. I never need flowers or jewelry; I don't care about vacations or a nice car. But I need you to be faithful. Leave me, if you must, but be faithful to me if you are with me.

Elizabeth Edwards, Resilience (Broadway Books, 2009)

Telltale Signs of Picasso's Art

In his book The Cell's Design: How Chemistry Reveals the Creator's Artistry, Fanzale Rana gives the following account of the approach used to authenticate a piece of artwork by Picasso, often referred to as The Unknown Masterpiece:
In the early 1970s, a junk dealer came across five ink drawings while clearing out a deceased woman's apartment in London. He hung onto them for several years, [and then] one of them wound up in the hands of a Brighton art dealer. Eventually, that dealer showed the mysterious drawing to Mark Harris, an art aficionado, who concluded that the piece might well be an unknown work by Picasso.
This drawing, referred to as Picasso's The Unknown Masterpiece, has provoked a heated controversy between his estate and Harris. The estate and its beneficiaries deny the drawing's authenticity.
In the face of this rejection, Harris and his collaborators began amassing … evidence to support their claim that Picasso, indeed, painted the masterpiece.
To make the case, Harris points to hallmark features of Picasso's work. For example, a fingerprint rolled into the wet ink at the time the drawing was made appears near the bottom of the piece. Many artists in the early 1900s, including Picasso, began fingerprinting artwork to stave off fraud. This mark would conclusively identify the work as a Picasso if compared with his known fingerprint. However, the estate refuses to comply, officially insisting that Picasso did not fingerprint his work during the 1930s.
While photographing the painting, Harris also discovered what seems to be Picasso's dated signature. A Scotland Yard handwriting expert identified features in the signature consistent with those from Picasso's works.
The drawing also contains a number of features characteristic of other Picasso works and appears to have connections to several pieces. Both Mark Harris and Melvin Becraft … place Picasso's The Unknown Masterpiece between his 1925 work, The Three Dancers, and his 1937 work, Guernica. Picasso was known to carry ideas and themes from work to work. The Unknown Masterpiece links themes, symbolisms, and hidden imagery in The Three Dancers with those in found in Guernica—connections not previously apparent.
Harris also recognised themes that reflect the events of Picasso's life at the time The Unknown Masterpiece was created. The year 1934 was a time of intense crisis for Picasso. The tragedies he experienced appear in the imagery of the mysterious drawing. Related symbolism depicting these circumstances also occurs in other Picasso pieces of the same history.
It remains to be seen if Harris's case for authenticity convinces the Picasso estate and the art world. Still, he has assembled what appears to be a compelling argument on the painting's behalf.

Fanzale Rana, The Cells' Design: How Chemistry Reveals the Creator's Artistry (Baker Books, 2008), pp. 23-24

The Bridge

Rabbi Edwin Friedman tells the story of a man who had given much thought to what he wanted from life. After trying many things, succeeding at some and failing at others, he finally decided what he wanted.
One day the opportunity came for him to experience exactly the way of living that he had dreamed about. But the opportunity would be available only for a short time. It would not wait, and it would not come again.
Eager to take advantage of this open pathway, the man started on his journey. With each step, he moved faster and faster. Each time he thought about his goal, his heart beat quicker; and with each vision of what lay ahead, he found renewed vigour.
As he hurried along, he came to a bridge that crossed through the middle of a town. The bridge spanned high above a dangerous river.
After starting across the bridge, he noticed someone coming the opposite direction. The stranger seemed to be coming toward him to greet him. As the stranger grew closer, the man could discern that they didn't know each other, but yet they looked amazingly similar. They were even dressed alike. The only difference was that the stranger had a rope wrapped many times around his waist. If stretched out, the rope would reach a length of perhaps thirty feet.
The stranger began to unwrap the rope as he walked. Just as the two men were about to meet, the stranger said, "Pardon me, would you be so kind as to hold the end of the rope for me?"
The man agreed without a thought, reached out, and took it.
"Thank you," said the stranger. He then added, "Two hands now, and remember, hold tight." At that point, the stranger jumped off the bridge.
The man on the bridge abruptly felt a strong pull from the now-extended rope. He automatically held tight and was almost dragged over the side of the bridge.
"What are you trying to do?" he shouted to the stranger below.
"Just hold tight," said the stranger.
This is ridiculous, the man thought. He began trying to haul the other man in. Yet it was just beyond his strength to bring the other back to safety.
Again he yelled over the edge, "Why did you do this?"
"Remember," said the other, "if you let go, I will be lost."
"But I cannot pull you up," the man cried.
"I am your responsibility," said the other.
"I did not ask for it," the man said.
"If you let go, I am lost," repeated the stranger.
The man began to look around for help. No one was within sight.He began to think about his predicament. Here he was eagerly pursuing a unique opportunity, and now he was being sidetracked for who knows how long.
Maybe I can tie the rope somewhere, he thought. He examined the bridge carefully, but there was no way to get rid of his new found burden.
So he again yelled over the edge, "What do you want?"
"Just your help," came the answer.
"How can I help? I cannot pull you in, and there is no place to tie the rope while I find someone else who could help you."
"Just keep hanging on," replied the dangling man. "That will be enough."
Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist.
"Why did you do this?" he asked again. "Don't you see what you have done? What possible purpose could you have in mind?"
"Just remember," said the other, "my life is in your hands."
Now the man was perplexed. He reasoned within himself, If I let go, all my life I will know that I let this other man die. If I stay, I risk losing my momentum toward my own long-sought-after salvation. Either way this will haunt me forever.
As time went by, still no one came. The man became keenly aware that it was almost too late to resume his journey. If he didn't leave immediately, he wouldn't arrive in time.
Finally, he devised a plan. "Listen," he explained to the man hanging below, "I think I know how to save you." He mapped out the idea. The stranger could climb back up by wrapping the rope around him. Loop by loop, the rope would become shorter.
But the dangling man had no interest in the idea.
"I don't think I can hang on much longer," warned the man on the bridge.
"You must try," appealed the stranger. "If you fail, I die."
Suddenly a new idea struck the man on the bridge. It was different and even alien to his normal way of thinking. "I want you to listen carefully," he said, "because I mean what I am about to say."
The dangling man indicated that he was listening.
"I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; I hereby give back the position of choice for your own life to you."
"What do you mean?" the other asked, afraid.
"I mean, simply, it's up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will become the counterweight. You do the pulling and bring yourself up. I will even tug some from here."
He unwound the rope from around his waist and braced himself to be a counterweight. He was ready to help as soon as the dangling man began to act.
"You cannot mean what you say," the other shrieked. "You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me." After a long pause, the man on the bridge uttered slowly, "I accept your choice." In voicing those words, he freed his hands and continued his journey over the bridge.

source unknown

A Special Day with Dad Is a Foretaste of Heaven

For most of my life, my father and I have struggled to connect with each other. We are very different men, and our differences have grown during the passage of the years. Nevertheless, there were occasional exceptions to this distancing, and I think I remember almost every one of them. They were the events when, for a short while, there was — between him and me — a sense of sublime closeness.
One of the more memorable of those moments came when I was a second grader at P.S. (Public School) 33 in New York. On a spring day shortly before lunch hour, my father came to the door of my classroom. After a brief word with the teacher he gestured for me to join him. "Son," he said, "clean off your desk and come with me." Soon after, we were walking down the hallway and out the front door of the school.
Only when we reached the privacy of his car did my father speak again and disclose his real purpose in taking me out of school. "I thought you'd like to go to the ball game with me today," he said. Sixty years later I can still see his mischievous grin as he disclosed this wonderful plan.
Muse on this! You're seven or eight years old. It's the middle of a school day, and your father springs you from school to see a baseball game.
Ninety or so minutes later, my father and I, hotdogs and Crackerjacks in hand, were in our seats along the third-base line at old Ebbits Field in Brooklyn where Jackie Robinson, just feet away, was warming up to play one of his first games as a Brooklyn Dodger. Does this smell like Heaven?
Somewhere in the early innings of the game, a batter, the New York Giants' Johnny Mize, hit a towering foul ball. An instant replay deep in my memory recalls the trajectory of that ball going almost straight up, losing its momentum and beginning its descent … right over my seat. Down and down and down it came. Then, when it was close enough for me to see the stitching on the ball, a hand (my father's hand!) reached out and snatched it from the air.
In one of my young life's über-glorious experiences, my father handed the ball to me. Given my age, the keys to a brand new Mustang convertible could not have been a better gift. I was filled with abounding love and admiration for him.
"Where is the Life we have lost in living?" T. S. Eliot once asked. It is quite possible that Eliot had far more ponderous notions in mind when he wrote those words that contrasted Life and living. But for me anyway, that afternoon spent with my father at Ebbits Field fell distinctly into the Living category. …
These are not only experiences that can be classified as Living; they are a foretaste, I think, of Heaven.

Gordon MacDonald, "Dodger Heaven,"

Views

The skylines lit up at dead of night, the air-conditioning systems cooling empty hotels in the desert and artificial light in the middle of the day all have something both demented and admirable about them. The mindless luxury of a rich civilisation, and yet of a civilisation perhaps as scared to see the lights go out as was the hunter in his primitive night

- Jean Baudrillard -

Death

Death destroys the body, as the scaffolding is destroyed after the building is up and finished. And he whose building is up rejoices at the destruction of the scaffolding and of the body

- Leo Tolstoy -

The Power of "Redemptive Waiting"

Years ago I visited one of my kids' pre-school classes. On this particular day, the kids were really excited because the teacher had promised to bring in a real, live rabbit to show them. The kids all gathered on the rug, and she brought in the wire cage, set it down in the middle of the rug, and opened the door so the rabbit could get out. No sooner had she done that then the kids crowded around the cage, started calling for the rabbit to come out, and waved carrots at the opening of the cage. One little guy stuck his fingers through the cage and began poking and prodding the rabbit to move.
Do you think that rabbit came out? Not even close! Then the teacher made a suggestion: "Children, why don't we all back up to the edge of the rug and sit very still and be very quiet and see if the rabbit will come out by himself." Not a chance, I thought to myself. If that rabbit's got half a brain, he'll stay as far back in that cage as he can. But sure enough, after a few minutes of quiet, that rabbit came to the opening of the cage, sniffed around a bit, and then hopped right out to the middle of the rug, and even made it's way over to some of the kids, who this time gently patted and spoke to it. How many times do we make the same mistake with people - especially nonbelievers? We pounce on them. We talk at them. We try all sorts of things to fix them or to get them to do what we want them to do. But sometimes the best thing we can do is just back off, sit still, be quiet, and wait until they're ready to come out in the open and receive whatever God wants to do in their lives. That's patience. That's what I would call redemptive waiting.

source unknown

WW2 Prisoner of War Converted, Becomes Missionary to Japan

On April 18, 1942, Army Corporal Jacob DeShazer boarded a bomber plane with his pilot, Lieutenant William Farrow, and a co-pilot, navigator, and rear gunner. Their mission was to bomb Tokyo and its surrounding cities. When the mission was accomplished, they were to land on the shores of enemy territory and elude the opposing forces as they awaited further instructions. The bombing was a success, but they never received word as to where they were to land. With fuel running low, Lt. Farrow gave the order for all on board to jump. DeShazer made a safe landing and was taken prisoner by ten Japanese soldiers shortly thereafter. Though his life was spared, he was tortured ruthlessly before being placed into solitary confinement at a filthy prison camp. DeShazer remained in captivity for almost two years, struggling with starvation and illness. After one of his fellow prisoners died of dysentery, Japanese authorities increased the rations of food and allowed the prisoners to have reading material, including the Bible. Because there was only one Bible, DeShazer had to wait six months to get his turn with it. Finally, when his turn came, DeShazer read the Scriptures over and over again. Though raised in a Christian home, he had never accepted Christ. On the final day he was allowed to have the Bible, he read Romans 10:9 once more, confessed his belief in Christ, and begged for forgiveness. DeShazer had been converted to a follower of Christ. Immediately he realised this demanded changes in his life—both while in a prison camp and beyond (should he ever be released). In an article on DeShazer's life for Today's Christian, Elsie J. Larson shares what happened next:
Bad habits and attitudes don't just go away when a person accepts Christ. One day after the exercise period, DeShazer's guard hurried him toward his cell, shoved him inside, slamming the door on DeShazer's foot. Instead of opening the door, the guard kicked the prisoner's foot with his hobnailed boots.
DeShazer desperately pushed the door until he could free his foot. His mind blazed with rage. However, Jesus' words came to him: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them, which despitefully use you."
Nursing his foot, DeShazer wished for a while that his mind would go blank; instead, all the Scripture God had helped him memorise flooded into his mind. Calming down, he decided, God commanded me to love. What a wonderful world it would be if we would all try to love one another. I'll try.
The next morning was the test. DeShazer greeted the guard respectfully in Japanese.
The guard gave him a puzzled look and said nothing.
Every morning, the prisoner offered friendly greetings and received no response. Then one morning the guard walked straight to DeShazer's cell, and spoke to him through the door. He was smiling. DeShazer asked about his family. From that time on, the guard treated him with respect and kindness, and once even brought him a boiled sweet potato. Another time, the guard slipped DeShazer figs and candy.
A year after his conversion, in June 1945, the Americans were transferred to a prison in Beijing (Peking). Conditions were worse than in Nanjing (Nanking). DeShazer nearly died of starvation and disease, but he grew spiritually. Like the prophet Daniel, he knelt and prayed diligently.
On August 6, 1945, the day the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, DeShazer woke up about 7am and was impressed to pray for peace. At 2pm the Holy Spirit told the prisoner, "You don't need to pray any more. The victory is won." DeShazer thought this was a better way to receive world news than waiting for a radio report. Immediately, his thoughts turned to his captors. Wondering what would happen to the Japanese people, God gave him the answer: he was to eventually return to Japan and teach them about his Saviour.
In 1948, Jacob DeShazer returned to Japan with his wife, Florence, as a missionary. By that time, Army chaplains had distributed more than a million tracts containing DeShazer's testimony titled, "I Was a Prisoner of the Japanese." Thousands of Japanese people wanted to see the man who could forgive his enemies. In his first few months in Japan, the former [bomber] had spoken in two hundred places. Soon he, with his wife Florence, helped Japanese Christians to establish churches.
Although the church planting was going well, early in 1950, DeShazer longed for a revival for Japan. He fasted 40 days, praying for the salvation of the Japanese.
A few days after he ended his fast, a man came to his home and introduced himself—Mitsuo Fuchida, flight commander of the 360 planes that attacked Pearl Harbor. After reading DeShazer's testimony, Fuchida had purchased a New Testament, read it, and had accepted Christ.
DeShazer welcomed him as a brother and counseled him to be baptized. Within a short time, Fuchida became an evangelist, preaching in Japan and all over the world.
In 1959 a dream came true for DeShazer when he moved to Nagoya to establish a Christian church in the city he had bombed. Because of one shared Bible, the man who first came to [bomb] Japan…returned on the wings of a dove to spread the "peace that passeth understanding" in that country for the next thirty years.

Condensed from Today's Christian, © 1997 - Elsie J. Larson, "From Bombs to Something More Powerful," Today's Christian (November/December 1997)

Mother Fined for Phoning Her Son Too Often

In most families, miscommunications are a common event. And when mothers are involved, overcommunication can sometimes be an issue. But a recent court ruling from Austria highlights a rift between mother and son that is truly remarkable—and truly sad.
A woman from the town of Klagenfurt was fined 360 euros ($478) on a charge of stalking her adult son. It was the son who filed the lawsuit, claiming that his mother called him up to 49 times a day for a period of 2.5 years. The woman's words to an Austrian newspaper reveal the pain of broken relationships within a family: "I just wanted to talk to him," she said. "I can't talk to my son, nor my daughter. I've never seen my grandchild, who is already 15-years-old."

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Breakfast at McDonalds

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile'. The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then
even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realised the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.' I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?' I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: unconditional acceptance.

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Grandma’s Gift

She didn't have a gift in her hand. Just an envelope. Marcus hoped it wasn't five dollars. As she got close to Marcus, she handed it to him and said again, "I really think you will like this. At least I hope you will."
This is the best gift ever? Marcus wondered. It couldn't be a huge check because he knew that his grandma didn't have that kind of money. What could it be? There was only one way to find out. He tore open the envelope and inside found a simple card that read:

A Weekend with Bobby Gold

JUNE 19-23

Along with it was a slip of paper with a phone number that said cell.
Okay this was strange. Bobby Gold was only one of the most famous billionaires in America. Marcus was very aware of who he was, but what did the card mean? Margaret smiled softly as she watched Marcus's confused look.
"I don't get it Grandma. Is it a seminar or something? Is he speaking somewhere? What do you mean by 'a weekend'?"
"I mean you will be spending the weekend - actually four or five days - with Bobby Gold. I arranged the whole thing." She was beaming now. Margaret and Bill also looked happy, while Marcus and Jack just looked quizzically at each other.
"Okay, so I must really be in the dark. How am I going to spend a weekend with Bobby Gold? And what am I going to do with him?" The thought crossed his mind that perhaps his grandma might be pulling his leg.
"Oh yes, I suppose it appears strange doesn't it? I arranged for you to spend that time with Bobby so he could teach you a little about business. That should be fun, don't you think?"
"Well, sure, Grandma, it sounds great, but how did you pull this off?" He still wasn't sure it was actually true.
"I called him and asked him if he would do it for me." Beatrice said matter-of-factly.
"You just picked up the phone and asked a guy worth eighteen billion dollars if your grandson could hang out with him?"
"Exactly."
"Mum," Margaret said, interrupting their obviously confusing exchange, "perhaps you should explain how you know Bobby."
"Oh yes, that's a good idea. It sounds outlandish doesn't it?"
"You know Bobby Gold?" Jack and Marcus said in unison.
"I do. Well, more accurately, I did. You know me, I don't like to brag, so I never told you that I was Bobby's nanny for three years when he was growing up. From the time he was eight until he was eleven - such a nice young man. But I moved away when your grandfather got transferred for work and I didn't keep up with what had happened to him until I started reading about him and seeing him on television. He has become quite successful, you know."
"Of course I know." Marcus looked at his mum and dad. "Did you guys know that she knew Bobby Gold?"
"No, we knew she was a nanny for a little boy whose family had some money, but we never knew who it was. We didn't know until she asked if you would like this for a gift."
Marcus turned back to his grandma. "So how did you get this arranged?"
"I called him up and left a message with his secretary and asked him to call me. The next day he did. I told him that you were graduating from Northwestern's business school and asked if he would spend some time with you. He remembered me - we always got along so well - and he said he would be happy to do it. Then he looked at his schedule and suggested that you accompany him on a little trip he has planned. I checked with your parents and they said that you were free and so that is how it came to be. I thought you would like it."
"Grandma, I love it!" Marcus got up and went over to give his grandma a hug and a kiss to say thank you. She still smelled like flowers. "Thanks so much, Grandma. This is going to be awesome."
She squeezed him tight. "You are welcome, Marcus. I am so proud of you. You should be able to be as successful as Bobby has become." Marcus stood up. "Well, let's start with my first million before we get to a billion - or eighteen." He turned to Jack, "Dude, I am going to be hanging with Bobby 'Nothing's Better than Gold' Gold!"

excerpted from Chris Widener, The Art of Influence

Blockages to Overcome Blindness

Blind auditions assist blind ambitions - and overcome blind prejudice - as musicians seek to join the world’s top orchestras.
Aspirants once auditioned in full-view of their assessors, but blind auditions now open wider doors. Experts always suspected that women lacked the lungpower needed for brass or woodwind instruments - until 1984, when Julie Landsman climaxed her blind audition by blowing a sustained high C and became New York Metropolitan Opera’s first full-time female French horn player. She happily relives her all-male judges’ startled reaction on realising they’d chosen a woman: “I loved it! Without that screen their eyes would have affected their ears!”

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Freedom – The Liberty Bell

The Liberty Bell, one of America’s most-cherished independence symbols, was cast in 1752 by Whitechapel Bell Foundry, which also made London’s world-famous “Big Ben.” Always defective, this bell had finally cracked irreparably in 1835.
During the 1976 bicentenary, America’s Procrastinators’ Club contacted Whitechapel, light-heartedly enquiring about warranty terms. Whitechapel’s reply was equally light-hearted: “We regret your inconvenience and will replace the bell free of charge - if you return the damaged one to us in its original packaging."
The Liberty Bell mirrors a common view of freedom: a noble ideal, but with a dysfunctional crack between our dreams and our day-to-day grind; that distorts freedom into escapism instead of the integrating power that God offers.

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Real Classifieds

These classifieds were really put in the paper - a smile for your day
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog . . Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

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Truth

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people

- Virginia Woolf -