On The Journey Towards Caring for Others

"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing" (Dorothy Day).

It sure is, I think to myself as I hear the sounds of four-year-old footsteps in the hallway, again. It is past 10 p.m. and I need this day to end. He, apparently, does not. He is calling me to dig deep for reserves of patience and generosity, which, right now, feel inaccessible to me.
For several weeks this past summer, something was bothering our 4-year-old son. While much of the day was fine, the bedtime routine became a point of struggle. During those moments, the words of Jean Vanier came to mind. Vanier describes how, through our relationships, our darker sides are revealed to us. How, in caring for others more vulnerable, paradoxically, our inner violence and anger are exposed. This truth resonated with me as I tried repeatedly to help my son to bed. I would be lying if I did not admit to the occasional desire to simply push him into bed and be done with it. At one extreme moment of frustration, I exclaimed: "I don't know what to do with you! I don't know what to do!"
I see now that my response was not as hopeless as it then seemed. To admit I had lost my bearings gave us a starting point: it opened me, and hopefully him, to try something new, to try again to understand what was underneath all this behaviour.
In caring for others, the temptation towards violence exists. So too, does the call to resist that path, to let go of the agenda held by the one more powerful, and to begin all over again.

by Madeline Burghardt