Saturday, November 30, 2013

Learning to Love

At the end of a long letter, C. S. Lewis wrote: "When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. Insofar as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving toward the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Believing...

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else
- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory -

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Freedom

The very idea of freedom presupposes some objective moral law which overarches rulers and ruled alike. Subjectivism about values is eternally incompatible with democracy. We and our rulers are of one kind only so long as we are subject to one law. But if there is no Law of Nature, the ethos of any society is the creation of its rulers, educators and conditioners; and every creator stands above and outside his own creation.
- C.S. Lewis -

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Change

Mere change is not growth. Growth is the synthesis of change and continuity, and where there is not continuity there is not growth
- C. S. Lewis -

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Monday, November 25, 2013

Change

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird; it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg
- C.S. Lewis -

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Trade-offs

There neither is nor can be any simple increase of power on Man’s side. Each new power won by man is a power over man as well. Each advance leaves him weaker as well as stronger. In every victory, besides the general who triumphs, he is also the prisoner who follows the triumphal car
- C. S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man -

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Never too old

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream
- C.S. Lewis -
(Today marks 50 years since his death)

Friday, November 22, 2013

I'm convinced that we can write and live our own scripts more than most people will acknowledge. I also know the price that must be paid. It's a real struggle to do it. It requires visualisation and affirmation. It involves living a life of integrity, starting with making and keeping promises, until the whole human personality, the senses, the thinking, the feeling, and the intuition are ultimately integrated and harmonised
- Steven Covey -

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Smarter...

Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc., and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons
- Douglas Adams -

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Viewing a Friend - and Even God - As an Enemy

In an article for ChristianityToday.com entitled "Our Divine Distortion," Christian songwriter Carolyn Arends shared a personal story that shows how easy it is to view friends as enemies when we are racked by shame or guilt—a dangerous trait that can have an impact on how we view God. She writes:
When I found a brand new lap-top for half price on eBay, I told my friend and musical colleague Spencer about my bargain of a find. He was worried: "Usually when something's too good to be true …"
"I know," I replied impatiently, "but the seller has a 100 percent approval rating."
"Be careful," warned Spencer.
"Of course," I assured him, annoyed. I wasn't born yesterday.
I sent the seller $1,300 and discovered in very short, sickening order that I had fallen prey to a classic scam. A fraudster had hacked someone's eBay identity in order to relieve easy marks like me of our money.
I felt [like a] fool—and didn't want to tell Spencer. The next time I saw his number on my caller ID, I didn't answer. I could just imagine his "I told you so."
Soon, I was avoiding Spencer completely. And I started to resent him. Why did he have to be so judgmental? Why couldn't he be on my side? Why was I ever friends with that jerk?
Eventually, we had to fly together to perform at a concert. "Whatever happened with that computer thing?" he asked an hour into the flight. Cornered, I finally confessed my foolishness, dreading the inevitable response. But as soon as I told Spencer about my mistake, a strange thing happened. The enemy I had turned him into evaporated. Spencer turned into Spencer again, my teasing but deeply empathetic buddy.
As embarrassed as I was by my eBay error, I felt even dumber about the way I had allowed my shame to distort my perception of a best friend. If my hand had not been forced, I would have remained estranged from him indefinitely.
I've always considered myself perceptive, but the longer I live, the more I discover my susceptibility to misinterpretation. This is true of the way I view my friends, truer of the way I see my enemies, and perhaps truest of the way I perceive God.
Condensed from an on-line article by Christianity Today magazine, © 2009

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Rejoicing in All Circumstances

Bob Reccord reflects:
As I write this book, I'm having to exercise the faith of dealing with the prison of pain. Unexpectedly, I suffered a severe cervical spinal injury. The pain was so excruciating, the hospital staff couldn't even get me into the MRI until they had significantly sedated me. The MRI showed significant damage at three major points in the cervical area. The orthopedic surgeon's assistant later told me, "Bob, your neck is a wreck." He said there was hardly any way I could avoid surgery.
Because of the swelling of injured nerve bundles, the only way I could relieve the pain was to use a strong, prescribed narcotic and to lie on bags of ice. Sleep, what little there was, came only by sitting in a reclining chair.
Approximately 48 hours from the onset of the injury, doctors estimated that I lost about 80 percent of the strength in my left arm. Three fingers on my left hand totally lost feeling. Even the slightest movements would send pain waves hurtling down my left side and shoulder. To add insult to injury, physicians said I had to step away completely from my work (which I love), and begin to wear a neck brace … 24 hours a day for five weeks.
About halfway through that experience, I found myself sitting on the screened-in porch behind our home. The day was cold and blustery, but I was committed to being outside, just for a change of scenery. Suddenly a bird landed on the railing and began to sing. On that cold, rainy day, I couldn't believe any creature had a reason to sing. I wanted to shoot that bird! But he continued to warble, and I had no choice but to listen.
The next day found me on the porch again, but this time the atmosphere was bright, sunny, and warm. As I sat, being tempted to feel sorry for myself, suddenly the bird (at least it looked like the same one) returned. And he was singing again! Where was that shotgun?
Then an amazing truth hit me head on: the bird sang in the cold rain as well as the sunny warmth. His song was not altered by outward circumstances, but it was held constant by an internal condition. It was as though God quietly said to me, "You've got the same choice, Bob. You will either let external circumstances mould your attitude, or your attitude will rise above the external circumstances. You choose!"
Bob Reccord, Forged by Fire: How God Shapes Those He Loves (Broadman & Holman, Nashville, TN, 2000), p. 112

Monday, November 18, 2013

Visit to Homeless Shelter Teaches Woman a Lesson in Thanks

Spending an evening at a shelter for homeless women was not my idea, but when a friend asked, I was perfectly willing to tag along.
Although the winter was still young, the cold was harsh. I nearly ran from the comfort of our car to the warmth of the church annex that had, for years, opened its doors as a refuge from the night.
The director, Christy, efficiently assigned tasks—to set the floor with foam mats and blankets as one would set a table, to lay out on a buffet table plastic forks, paper plates, and the donated leftovers that filled the refrigerator. When the women arrived, we would help serve the food.
Christy assured me that most of the women, the "regulars," had spent the day inside at one of several centers, but there were always the few who just appeared—seeming to have no history more concrete than their names.
My three hours at the shelter were not filled with dramatic scenes. From a corner of the large sleeping area, I helped serve dinner to 30 women who ate their substantial but bland meal, sitting cross-legged on their sleeping mats. Except for two boisterously irrational women, they talked little. By nine o'clock, many were bedding down for the night.
"Homeless." As I did the dishes, still within sight of the women, the word took on a personal meaning. These women slept here, but every morning when they left, they had to carry their possessions with them.
Suddenly I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my nightgowns, for my very own pillow, for my hand-picked dining room chairs. "Lord," I silently prayed as I walked to Christy's office to say good night, "thank you. Thank you—that I'm not one of them."
Christy met me in the hallway and interrupted my pharisaical thoughts with her own gratitude for my help. I asked her about certain women who had caught my attention.
Routy Rachel, Christy explained, had a Ph.D. in art history. Gradually her mind had slipped out of her own grasp. Ester, who had talked to herself all evening, was the mother of five children. She was a midwestern farmer's wife—until her life crumbled around her. Christy didn't know much about Carol, who had lain on her back for more than an hour, reading her King James Bible. Marla, who had seemed sullen, was a trained soprano who occasionally enjoyed serenading the rest of the group.
Only after I walked back out into the night air did the women's stories unsettle me. Their paths had too much in common with mine. In a sense, I was one of them: A mother's daughter. Vulnerable. A sinner in need of grace. …
Since then I have been more aware of the uprooted Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Latin American refugees who live in my neighborhood, who ride my bus. War, political change, economic collapse—conditions over which they had no control—destroyed their lifestyle and stole their ability to communicate easily and thus to work efficiently. My thoughts have frightened me. My comfortable world, my secure home, is not guaranteed.
At the sight of the outstretched hand of a city beggar, I have always grown uncomfortable. Until recently, I have thought it was because of Jesus' warning in Matthew 25:45: "Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these [the hungry, thirsty, unclothed, homeless], you did not do for me."
But since I spent an evening at the women's shelter, I see that Matthew 25 is only the partial cause of my discomfort. I am uncomfortable because I see the beggar as myself—or my very own brother or mother or father. And I cannot think of a homeless or hungry woman in such personal terms without a reversal in the way I give my thanks.
The difference between "Thank you that I'm not one of them" and "Thank you for the grace you have shown to me, and help me to mirror your grace to others" may, at first, seem slight. But the second is for me a wholly new mindset that makes me want to reach out, that reduces my discomfort around those who have less than I, and, surprisingly, that reduces my fear of a future that is unknown. Why? Because even though I know I have no insurance policy against war and famine or sickness, I know I have a God who does not forget his own. And for that I thank him also.
Evelyn Bence, "Two Kinds of Thanks," Christianity Today magazine (November, 1999)

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Sins of Omission

The Sunday school teacher asked her class: "what are sins of omission?" After some thought one little fellow said: "They're the sins we should have committed but didn't get around to."

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Problem Solving

Men decide many more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, illusion, or some similar emotion, than by reason (veritate) or authority or any legal standards, or legal precedents, or law
- Marcus Tullius Cicero -

Friday, November 15, 2013

Getting Ready for a Visit from Jesus



Author Doug Mendenhall shares a brief parable that should cause all of us to pause and reflect:
Jesus called the other day to say he was passing through and [wondered if] he could spend a day or two with us.
I said, "Sure. Love to see you. When will you hit town?"
I mean, it's Jesus, you know, and it's not every day you get the chance to visit with him. It's not like it's your in-laws and you have to stop and decide whether the advantages outweigh your having to move to the sleeper sofa.
That's when Jesus told me he was actually at a convenience store out by the interstate.
I must have gotten that Bambi-in-headlights look, because my wife hissed, "What is it? What's wrong? Who is that?"
So I covered the receiver and told her Jesus was going to arrive in eight minutes, and she ran out of the room and started giving guidance to the kids—in that effective way that Marine drill instructors give guidance to recruits. …
My mind was already racing with what needed to be done in the next eight—no seven—minutes so Jesus wouldn't think we were reprobate loser slobs.
I turned off the TV in the den, which was blaring some weird scary movie I'd been half watching. But I could still hear screams from our bedroom, so I turned off the reality show it was tuned to. Plus, I turned off the kids' set out on the sun porch, because I didn't want to have to explain Jon & Kate Plus Eight to Jesus, either, six minutes from now.
My wife had already thinned out the magazines that had been accumulating on the coffee table. She put Christianity Today on top for a good first impression. Five minutes to go.
I looked out the front window, but the yard actually looked great thanks to my long, hard work, so I let it go. What could I improve in four minutes anyway?
I did notice the mail had come, so I ran out to grab it. Mostly it was Netflix envelopes and a bunch of catalogs tied into recent purchases, so I stuffed it back in the box. Jesus doesn't need to get the wrong idea—three minutes from now—about how much on-line shopping we do.
I plumped up sofa pillows, my wife tossed dishes into the sink, I scolded the kids, and she shooed the dog. With one minute left I realised something important: Getting ready for a visit from Jesus is not an eight-minute job.
Then the doorbell rang.
Doug Mendenhall, "Getting Prepared for the Arrival of Jesus," www.reporternews.com (24 September 2009)

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dying Man Finds Hope in Jesus



In his book Deserted by God?, author and pastor Sinclair Ferguson shares the following story:
The first physician to die of the AIDS virus in the United Kingdom was a young Christian. He had contracted it while doing medical research in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe. In the last days of his life, his power of communication failed. He struggled with increasing difficulty to express his thoughts to his wife. On one occasion she simply could not understand his message. He wrote on a note pad the letter J. She ran through her medical dictionary, saying various words beginning with J. None was right. Then she said, "Jesus?"
That was the right word. He was with them. That was all either of them needed to know. [And] that is always enough.
source unknown

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

God Supernaturally Provides for Couple's Ministry

Years ago, Dave Phillips and his wife, Lynn, had a talk about the callings they felt God was stirring in them. As they discussed what they were most passionate about, they agreed that bringing relief to suffering children and reaching the next generation with the gospel were at the top of the list. The thought of starting a relief agency was considered, but Dave's response was, "But that would mean I have to talk in front of people." By nature, Dave is a very quiet, behind-the-scenes man.
But after much prayer, Dave set aside his fears, and he and Lynn started Children's Hunger Fund out of their garage. Six weeks after CHF was launched, in January of 1992, he received a phone call from the director of a cancer treatment center in Honduras asking if there was any way he could obtain a certain drug for seven children who would die without it. Dave wrote down the name of the drug and told the director that he had no idea how to get this type of drug. They then prayed over the phone and asked God to provide.
As Dave hung up the phone, before he even let go of the receiver, the phone rang again. It was a pharmaceutical company in New Jersey asking Dave if he would have any use for 48,000 vials of that exact drug! Not only did they offer him eight million dollars' worth of this drug, but they told him they would airlift it anyplace in the world! Dave would later learn that the company was one of only two that manufactured this particular drug in the United States.
Within forty-eight hours, Dave had the drug sent to the treatment center in Honduras and to twenty other locations as well. It was then he believed that God was at work, validating his calling to this ministry. Year after year, God continues to provide supernaturally. Today they have distributed more than $950 million in food and other relief to more than ten million kids in seventy countries and thirty-two states. Children's Hunger Fund has distributed more than 150 million pounds of food and 110 million toys.
source unknown

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Petitions That Honour Our King

Travel back 200 years in Christian history to John Newton, the slave-trader-turned-pastor and hymn writer. He would receive almost unbelievable answers to his prayers because he believed in what he called "large asking." When explaining what he meant, Newton would often cite a legendary story of a man who asked Alexander the Great to give him a huge sum of money in exchange for his daughter's hand in marriage. Alexander agreed, and told the man to request of Alexander's treasurer whatever he wanted. So, the father of the bride went and asked for an enormous amount. The treasurer was startled and said he could not give out that kind of money without a direct order. Going to Alexander, the treasurer argued that even a small fraction of the money requested would more than serve the purpose.
"No," replied Alexander, "let him have it all. I like that fellow. He does me honor. He treats me like a king and proves by what he asks that he believes me to be both rich and generous."
Newton concluded: "In the same way, we should go to the throne of God's grace and present petitions that express honourable views of the love, riches, and bounty of our King."
source unknown

Monday, November 11, 2013

The God Bearer

What Iraq taught me about living the Presence
by Lieutenant Commander Bruce Crouterfield
Serving a one-year tour in Iraq as a Navy chaplain, I was assigned to the II Marine Expeditionary Force. My task: to provide ministry coverage to a battalion special task force located in the western desert of the Al Anbar province, an area bordering Syria and Jordan.
The region is arid, isolated, and harsh. The task force of marines providing security to the area was spread out in small groups occupying command outposts and forward operating bases throughout the region.
Providing ministry coverage required long convoys to the outposts from a base camp known as Camp Korean Village, a small village once built and occupied by North Koreans who were contracted by Saddam Hussein to build the highway that connects Jordan and Syria with Central Iraq.
In the summer, the temperature reaches 140 degrees. Doing ministry in this environment means long hours of boredom mixed with conducting field services for sometimes as few as two or three and at other times as many as 40.
I wasn't there long before I began to wonder if the personnel I was serving valued what I was doing. The military culture is not highly expressive, so it's sometimes hard to gauge how you're being received.
I wondered, Do these people value what I'm doing, even in a general sense? Does it make sense to get the education required, then go through the military training and the family sacrifices that are inherent with military chaplaincy? Can a person make an impact for God doing this?
After five months at Korean Village, I returned to Fallujah and rediscovered the refreshment that comes from the companionship of other chaplains. I quickly learned that other chaplains were having the same thoughts and questions.
I asked one chaplain friend how things were going. A reservist who had been activated to serve a year in Iraq with a unit he really didn't know, his eyes dropped to the floor and he lowered his voice as if making a confession.
He talked about how he had been visiting marines and sailors in their work spaces and doing "deck-plate ministry," but he said he couldn't tell if he was making any difference in their lives.
Like others in pastorates and other forms of ministry, we question our real value. We can live with a haunting feeling that our ministry could end at any minute without any significance. We long to see lives transformed, but sometimes we don't sense much of that happening. Just doing the tasks and functions of ministry isn't enough.
The Real Job amid Multi-Tasks
Don't get me wrong, there is a place for tasks and functions in ministry. We need to keep our to-do list to stay organized. We need to set goals. We need to do real work and establish measurable objectives.
In my office I have shelves full of canned programs, and programs I've created, and even a file entitled "Good Ideas I've Stolen from Other Chaplains." I have programs for marriage enrichment, troop retreats, and character development. I conduct worship services on bases and at remote outposts.
These are some of the tasks of "doing ministry." But most of us long to be something more than just a "doer of tasks."
In a task-driven ministry, our day is planned and carried out according to the to-do list and daily planner. But task-driven ministry sometimes gets in the way of opportunities to do God's will.
Amid the to-do lists, we can miss the Spirit-led ministry, the divine appointments God provides for us to do his will. This is the evangelism that is guided by God; it's spontaneous, serendipitous, divinely appointed.
My Real Identity
A bigger problem with task-driven ministry is that it often places a professional identity upon the minister or chaplain. I'm not sure I want to be "a ministry professional." That's not to say I don't want to conduct myself professionally, but I don't want to be identified as a professional marriage counselor, a professional social worker, or a professional recreation coordinator.
I'm okay with doing some of those things, but that's not who I am. When I become the skilled expert, I can become so associated with those skills that the real identity I yearn for becomes lost. This can become a stumbling block for us in ministry; out of a need to feel relevant, we can find ourselves assuming our identity is that of an expert.
How we define ourselves, how we view our self-identity will guide us in how we do ministry. I want my sense of relevance to come from something other than running programs.
This finally became clear to me, believe it or not, as a result of talking with the marines and sailors in remote western Iraq.
Calling in the Marines
Sensing that I was missing something, I started talking individually to marines and sailors and asking them about chaplains. I talked about the programs we oversee as well as the more general "ministry of presence" that we provide. I asked them what, if anything, they considered valuable.
Their responses blew me away!
One marine told me, "When the chaplain is on convoy with us, we feel safer." (We were in combat.)
"When the chaplain is around, the Gunnery Sergeant is nicer," another said.
A corporal told me, "Sir, when the Commanding Officer comes in the room, he gets respect, but when the chaplain comes in the room, he gets reverence."
I talked to 100 marines and sailors serving in a combat zone, collecting their thoughts about chaplains. No two answers were exactly alike, but I began to see a trend. For some, the presence of the chaplain offered a sense of comfort. For others, a sense of safety. For still others, the chaplain's presence caused a change in the behavior of people.
None talked about the programs, as necessary as they are to make our presence possible.
It occurred to me that the presence of the chaplain had, in some ways, the same effect as the presence of God, which brings a sense of comfort, a sense of safety, and causes people to change their behavior.
In other words, perhaps the most important role of the chaplain is reminding our personnel of the presence of God. When I asked directly, "Does the chaplain remind people of the presence of God?" overwhelmingly, the answer was Yes!
Where's God in the mirror?
When I look in the mirror in the morning, I don't immediately see the presence of God. I see a sinner saved by grace, grateful for God's love and Christ's atoning sacrifice on the cross. I see a person who struggles and is often conflicted. I see someone who wants to be loved, accepted, and valued. I see someone who is often uncertain about the matters and issues of life; I see someone who has fears and worries. I don't see the presence of God.
The conclusion? Others see me and other chaplains, pastors, and ministers differently than we see ourselves.
That was an eye-opener. That is what has been missing!
In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, we see that comfort comes from God through the agency of human beings. God uses people like you and me to deliver comfort to others. In this text, the English word "comfort" is used to translate the Greek word paraklēsis, which is related to the familiar word paraclete, "one who comes alongside to help," another name for the Holy Spirit.
When we come alongside someone else and share the same comfort we have received from God, doesn't God come with us? Yes! Doesn't that make each of us bearers of the presence of God?
The Emanuel factor
To bring such comfort, and thus, to bring God's presence into a situation, is the most basic form of ministry. When we comfort those troubled, stressed, or in crisis, we bring unto others what we are not: God.
As ministers, pastors, or chaplains, our presence becomes the "God With Us Factor." My most important role: "The Emanuel Factor."
When we come alongside another after God has come alongside us, God is there. That makes the Christian who has received the comfort of God a bearer of the presence of God.
A person's life is truly relevant when it becomes a bearer of God's presence. Living the presence well might not allow me to be an "expert" in anything, but it does allow me to fulfill the calling of God on my life and to share his presence with others. As Henri Nouwen put it: "God wants you to live for others and to live that presence well."
Lieutenant Commander Bruce Crouterfield currently serves at the Naval Chaplaincy School and Center in Ft. Jackson, South Carolina, training new chaplains.
source unknown

Sunday, November 10, 2013

What Money Cannot Buy

For money you can have everything it is said. No, that is not true. You can buy food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; soft beds, but not sleep; knowledge but not intelligence; glitter, but not comfort; fun, but not pleasure; acquaintances, but not friendship; servants, but not faithfulness; grey hair, but not honour; quiet days, but not peace. The shell of all things you can get for money. But not the kernel. That cannot be had for money
- Arne Garborg -

Saturday, November 09, 2013

Words Spoken

The words a father speaks to his children in the privacy of the home are not overheard at the time, but, as in whispering galleries, they will be clearly heard at the end and by posterity
- Jean Paul Richter -

Friday, November 08, 2013

Discovery

It is necessary that we find God, and he cannot be found in noise and unpeace. See how nature – trees, flowers, and grass – grow in stillness; how stars, moon, and sun run their course in silence. The more we receive through quiet prayer, the more we can give in the activity of our daily lives. In essence, it is not what we say, but what God says to us and through us.
- Mother Teresa -

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Wonder

The human mind is not capable of grasping the universe. It is like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books…a mysterious order, which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects…
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed
- Albert Einstein -

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Improving Fitness

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

The Best Thing about Growing Old?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Monday, November 04, 2013

Goodbye Mum

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, 'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.
'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, 'Goodbye, Mum.'
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
'That comes to $121.85,' said the operator.
'How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..'
The operator replied, 'Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too.'

Sunday, November 03, 2013

The Beginnings of Humanity

A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?' The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers.'

Saturday, November 02, 2013

The Year 1908

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1908. One hundred and five years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1908:
The average life expectancy was 47years.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower
The average wage in 1908 was 22 cents per hour.
The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION. Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard. '
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhoea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30 !!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.'
Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

Friday, November 01, 2013

Dad’s Revenge

A teenage boy had passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ’You bring your grades up from a ‘C’ to a ‘B average’, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.
The boy said, ‘You know , Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair and John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair.......and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.
You’re going to love the dad’s reply:
To this his father replied, ‘Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?’